Photos That Prove Why Children Should Not Be Left Alone With The Family Pet

Humor | By Julio Childress | June 11, 2018

Many of my best stories involve me as a kid doing something weird with one of my pets. I've had several dogs and cats throughout my life, and we've all got stories to tell about each other. I'm better at telling the stories than any of my cats and dogs though, so don't bother asking them.

If you've been lucky enough to have a furry pal in your life as a kid, then you know the kind of trouble you can get in. Kids are naturally destructive and so are pets. They haven't learned the rules of society yet. Together they can be a gale force of big messes and broken vases.

Let's see if any of these pictures look familiar to you. You may have a kid who did the exact same thing, or there may be some of your own deep seeded memories that bubble to the surface. I, for one, have been guilty of number 41 myself. You'll see what I mean.

1. Coloring Book Dog

A dog is a great companion for a child, especially an only child. They don't have anyone to play with or talk to, but at least they have a dog. That's good enough to build some social skills. If you wonder why some people kiss with so much tongue, it might be because they were an only child with a dog. We could go on with the examples, but they only get more disturbing from there.

The other great thing about having a dog is that they can double as coloring books. Take this dog for example. One second you can be playing fetch, the next second you can draw your favorite superhero on him. That's versatility if I've ever seen it. Just make sure to get a white dog so you have a blank canvas to play with.

2. If It's Good Enough for Them

Think about it. If you were one of four living creatures hanging out together, and suddenly three of them starting drinking milk off of the floor, wouldn't that seem like the right thing to do? It's majority rules in that situation. That's how Tarzan was able to do all the crazy thing he grew up to do. He saw everyone else swinging from vines so he just assumed that was OK. That's why this baby is doing the right thing, but the parents... not so much.

We've all sucked a beverage off of a flat surface before, right? I can't remember the last time I did it. It was definitely before I learned about germs. I probably spilled my delicious fruit punch and didn't want to let a drop go to waste. Now it seems disgusting.

3. Can I Borrow That?

People like to dress their dog up, but that's because it's a fun luxury. Buying optional clothes for your dog is your way to torture them without having to face any legal repercussions. Let's face it, very few dogs actually like wearing clothes. You can tell when they don't, yet we still love to put them in an Indiana Jones hat and jacket just so we can take a picture. Now imagine if dogs had to wear clothes and it was no longer an option. That would get annoying very quickly. Think about having to get your dog a complete wardrobe, keep it clean, and dress them everyday. I guess that's what having kids is like.

Once the pet stores started selling Star Wars pet costumes, it was all over for me. I spent one hundred dollars in ten minutes. I went crazy for those costumes.

4. Victim and Assailant

This picture looks very familiar to me. That's because I did this exact same thing when I was a kid. I drew all over the hallway walls while my dog watched helplessly. When my parents found out they asked me what happened so I told them that the dog put the crayon in his mouth and started to draw. I then acted out how the dog would have done it. They asked, "why is there crayon all over your mouth as if you were the one who drew all over the wall using your mouth instead of your hand?" I didn't have a good answer for that. Just like that, I was grounded, though that's only because I was so young that I was pretty much always grounded.

That poor dog. He knew he was going to get blamed. Not only did he get assaulted, he got blamed too.

5. I thought I looked Cute. Might Delete Later

I don't know if anyone was asking the question, "should cats wear makeup?" but I think we now know that the answer is a resounding no. No, cats should never wear makeup because then they look like this. It looks like this cat just posted an insta pic with the caption, "I thought i looked cute. Might delete later." This cat is that girl. Honestly though, I'm starting to catch feelings for this cat. It'll be too bad when I wake up next to it in the morning and she's fugly though.

I'm pretty sure that this is what animal rights activists fight against. Weren't the makeup companies supposed to stop testing on animals a couple years ago? This must be stopped... or at least find an eye shadow that better compliments her fur tone.

6. What Are You Drinking, Hi-BARK-scus tea?

We already talked about the joys of dressing your dog up. There's a huge check mark for that on this picture. Another fun thing you can do is have a fancy tea party with them. I say fun thing because it will be fun to you. Will it be fun for the dog? Not at all. Dogs don't drink tea. When's the last time you saw a dog drink a hot beverage at all? Never. Except for maybe the old water in a titanium bowl you left out in the hot sun. Don't you think they want some cool water?

I'm surprised this dog stayed chill right under the umbrella. I figured it would want to run or walk away. I'm usually running quickly away from the tea table, but that's just because tea excited my IBS.

7. Conjoined Kid and Cat

These two look awfully cozy with each other. You can tell there's some serious love there because there's no way this little girl wouldn't have scratches all over her face unless they were. My cats are the same way. I can pick them up and throw them around like a pizza man throwing dough and they still won't run away. If this cat didn't want to be carried around like a baby, it would have done something well before this girl pressed her nose up against the glass.

Now, just because a cat won't scratch the hell out of you when you do this, doesn't mean they like what's going on. It's like when your friend drags you to some lame function. It's not like you're going to start punching them. You will glare at everyone though.

8. The Streets were Hard on Her

This is what would have been the fate of Julia Roberts' character in Pretty Woman if she never would have fell in love with the rich guy. She would have grown old and become this. Come to think of it, this dog looks like another famous character in the sexual profession. This dog looks just like Natalie Portman in the movie Closer. She wears a pink wig in that movie and the resemblance is uncanny. Or should I say it's uncanine.

These types of pictures are always very disturbing. I'm not saying this dog looks sexy, but it's definitely aiming for sexy. I don't like that. You have to understand that men are wired to instantly get horny if we see high heels and a pink wig. It's not our fault.

9. Doggy Disguiso

This dog is rocking a few, very cool looks. First there's the Snoop Dogg look. I'm getting major pimp vibes from this, even if upon closer inspection it just looks like a bunch of old crap (not quite Pimp glamour). The next look is very "sheep on Broadway." I'm not sure if that's a look I've seen all too much before, but the dog is still rocking it. Next we have the suburban dad look. Those sunglasses are all you need to pull off that look.

The final look is the one that'll probably get people the most excited: Harry Potter. People love Harry Potter cosplay so much that you could dress a turd up as Harry Potter and people would love it. Don't believe me? Try it. Just make sure to eat plenty of fiber. You'll need the fiber.

10. A Wall Between Us

On the one side, if there wasn't that screen door between them, those sweet, sweet Goldfish crackers would be snatched up in an instant. Since baby boy can't eat at a table properly, there was no choice but to lock the dog out. On the other side though, this is torture for the dog. Put a hood over it's head or something so it doesn't have to sit there being taunted by the snack he wished he had.

That's a black lab, which means that there is nothing safe around it. A black lab will eat just about anything, including the grossest things you can think of. A black lab would devour a tennis ball if bored, but if that tennis ball rolled around in mud, they'd snatch it up in a second like it was a chocolate covered apple.

11. Build a Cat

This is how it can feel when you're building an intense Lego set. You dump out all the pieces and stare at some of them thinking, "where the hell is this one supposed to go? This piece looks like it'll be the laser. I don't know about this other piece though. I don't remember seeing anything furry on the package. Now the piece is clawing at me and meowing for milk." OK, so maybe that's a very specific situation for this picture, but still, intense Lego sets can be confusing.

Legos must not have the same painful effect on cats as they do to humans. Rolling over a lego piece or stepping on one can be one of the most painful things in the world. These deadly traps do not belong on the floor. They belong in some sort of safety bin.

12. K-9 Cup

You know how people are always asking, "what would dogs look like if they had boobs?" Wait a minute, you're telling me that no one is asking that? I thought it was a very big, important question. I guess not. Well, ANYWAYS... this picture answer that question. Maybe no one was really asking that question because the answer is painfully obvious: it would look horrific. Also, men are such pervs that they'd end up cat calling both the dog and the women that are walking the dog.

We already discussed how much it would suck to have to buy your dog clothes for every day. Can you imagine if that meant bras too? Fellas reading this don't know the struggle. That's a whole additional piece of clothing that women need to buy that you don't. That sucks!

13. Hair Done, Nails Did

I live in Los Angeles, so things are pretty progressive here. We have a men's nail salon called Hammer and Nails and we have a dog restaurant. Between those two things you'd think that we'd also have some kind of dog nail salon, but I have yet to hear about one. Hopefully I'm not giving any readers any crazy ideas. Do not pull out a one hundred thousand dollar loan so you can start your dog nail salon. Please don't.

These nails look horrific on a dog. Considering that animal claws are meant for ripping and traction, I can only imagine getting paint poisoning after a dog with painted nails cuts me. It's not like you hear about dogs clawing people much, but I still don't want to risk dying that way.

14. Sweet, Pony Dreams

Looks like this dog had its dinner of kibbles, bits, and valium. How else do you stay that calm while someone puts My Little Ponies all over you? Every time an adult man has paid me to get naked and lay on the floor while he puts action figures on me, I've been drugged up on valium. Maybe I'm putting too much of my personal experience into this. Just forget that I said anything.

This dog looks like one of those models who gets hired to lay naked while people eat sushi off of them. I can understand that this is a very demeaning thing, and even though women agree to do it, the fact that there is a market for it is kind of wild. THat being said, I hella want to eat sushi off a naked girl.

15. Partners in Crime

I don't know who started these shenanigans, but you know the other person/creature saw them and thought, "I'm going to get in on this too." Once someone gets in on your shenanigans, the shenanigans get even crazier. Someone joining you is like the world giving you permission to do that thing. Your brain starts to do mental gymnastics telling yourself, "if one other person thinks this is OK, then everyone in the world must think it's OK." I've fallen victim to this train of thought before. Multiple jail sentences later...

The lack of guilt on both of their faces is what makes this picture so awesome. The kid is just smiling, still high off whatever the hell that powder is, and the dog is straight up confused why the person taking the picture isn't joining in too.

16. Tie-Dog

I really hope that's non-toxic paint. You never know with kids. They don't think this kind of thing through. Lots of adults don't think this kind of thing through either. One moment you're dying you and your dogs hair, the next minute both of your hair is falling out. The dog is confused. You're confused. Everyone is confused. It's just a bad time. What I'm saying is that you should always read the labels.

It's funny how dogs know when they look stupid. This dog is totally aware that he's been made to look like a fool. The dog is lacking the knowledge of modern society to know exactly why he should be humiliated, but at the gut level, he knows. Just look into his eyes. It's clear as day that he feels betrayed.

17. Play the Same

The key to getting along with anyone is to match the energy of the other person. That means if they are loud and boisterous, match their loudness and boisterism. If they are quiet, match that quietness. You'll have two friends for life. One will be an annoying loud guy and the other will be an introverted creep, but at least you'll have friends. I never mentioned the quality of friends.

This baby is using that tactic to bond with the family dog. That's a smart baby to think, "Ok, if this thing is going to pull on the rope with its mouth, I better do that too. I don't want to fall out of line with what's going on, you know?" That's how I imagine a baby's brain works. We'd never know because children lose their memories at age three.

18. Obviously an Indoor Cat

You can tell that this is obviously an indoor cat by its reaction to being outside. "WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" The irony is that an indoor cat would think that going outside is going inside somewhere else, and that going back inside is going out. Do you need to read that sentence a few times? I had to type it out about a hundred times to get it right.

My cats are indoor cats because they are special breeds. They'd get snatched up in an instant if they walked the streets. Most outdoor cats are boring breeds that no one wants, like black cats or tabbies. If you own one of those two types of cats, I know it's cute to you, but your cat is not cute out in the real world. They're basic. Sorry, not sorry.

19. Needs a Visit to the Salon

This dog definitely needs to take another visit to the salon shop. Those nails are looking busted. It's like, I get it, you're a dog, but if you can't keep your nails nice, don't get them done. Am I right or am I right? I'm just so sick of keeping my nails clean and nice, and then showing up at the dog park and seeing some busted-ass dog walk in with chipped nails and stank breath. It kills the whole vibe at the dog park. I just can't deal.

Can you imagine someone actually being that way at a dog park? I bet there are dog parks in rich neighborhoods that are like that. "Is that a nylon leash? Ugh. Poor people." Then you're like, "well, nylon is stronger than slik, which I can see that your leash is obviously made out of, and now your dog has broken free and is running away."

20. WonderDog

Dogs looks excellent in capes when they are sitting down or running. When sitting, the cap flows nicely down their back. When running it gives the effect like they are flying. However, if they are standing on all fours, the cape always ends up draping down one side or the other and just looks like a dirty towel falling off of them. Believe me, I'm a cape enthusiast. I've tried it, but it just doesn't look good.

Nothing feels better for a child than wearing a cape. I can see the desire to want to put your best friend in one too. Unfortunately the only fabric kids have at their disposal are blankets and towels. It feels less heroic when your cape has a chocolate milk stain on it, or is freshly wet from a bath.

21. Very Rare

I recently bought these for my cats while I was out on the town. After drinking a couple of beers, this purchase felt like a good idea. The package said, in big bold letters, "Cats love it." Who was I to think anything other than the fact that cat do love it. I brought the unicorn horns home, expecting to have a great night with my cats. It was instantly apparent that the package lied. Cats do not love it. They don't even like it. Heck, I'd even go as far as to say they hated it. None of us had an ounce of fun that night.

The reaction my cats had was not much different than this cat, although my cats look less like a goblin than this cat does. I don't even say that like it's a bad thing. I think it's cute.

22. Catscaping

Landscaping is the subtle art of placing plants, stones, and other objects around the landscape to make beautiful designs. Catscaping is placing plants, stones, and other objects all over your cat. Catscaping can be just as beautiful as landscaping, yet far less permanent. Once the cat decides to get up, your design is pretty much over. Make sure you take a picture of it so your design can last forever, and so you can one day end up on a blog post like this one!

One of the top five reasons to own a cat is so that you can place things on them while they sleep peacefully. It may sound crazy, but it's really fun. Stones, heavy pillows, dirty socks, and everything else is fair game when your cat is in the zone. The chill zone.

23. Strapped In

Some cats are so good at squeezing out of things that it doesn't matter how many seat belts you put on them. They'll find a way out. Unless they are a super chill babe, like this one. Some cat breeds are super relaxed like that. The rag doll, for example. Can you imagine how it got its name? It's because it acts like a rag doll when you pick it up. I really want one of those cats, but not before a hairless Sphynx. I'm a weirdo like that.

This cat doesn't seem to mind that much. While some cats can't stand the reclined pose, other cats thrive in that pose. It's a very "manspready" pose. If a cat tried to sit like that on the subway, a feminist would write a blog about them.

24. A Blank Canvas

Remember I told you that if you want to draw on your dog you should get a white dog? Here's the reason why. As you can see, there is way more drawing surface. The ideas are much more boundless with all that blank canvas to work with. Now, I never said that it's a good thing to do this, but I'm saying if you WANTED to draw on your dog, this is how it's done.

That's true love in a disturbing way. This dog loves his boy so much that he's willing to just lay there and take it. Isn't that what we so often do in relationships? We love the other person so much that we left them hurt us. Wow, it's like the animals are helping us discover our own limits of humanity. Who knew?

25. Man Bun

One of the hottest men's style of the last five years has been the man bun. Actually, let's not call it the hottest style. It's actually made fun of a lot, so I wonder why so many guys still wear it. I'm not saying that people making fun of you should dictate whether or not you do something, but when your entire style could be described as fuck boi, what are you doing with your life? That's just what you are. At least this dog didn't choose the man bun. You can definitely tell they didn't choose that hairstyle. That's the look of someone who does not like the way they look.

Styling a dog's hair can be difficult, especially braids. Can you imagine how much a dog would be yelping if you put them in braids? I think that would be considered animal abuse.

26. Catnip Jackson

I don't know why this cat reminds me of Janet Jackson, but it does. Would a better name be Catnip Jackson or Janet Catson? Or are both a horrible wastes of time? Good thing your opinion doesn't matter. This cat looks like Janet Jackson. Let's face it, it's because of the hat. I could look at anyone wearing a hat like that and think, "what's up, Janet Jackson?"

It's hard to keep a hat on an animal. They don't have the right heads for it. You need a strap, and even then, cats are really good at grabbing the hats and pulling them off. It's almost as if cats weren't meant to wear hats. Strange considering that humans need hats. Hasn't your mom ever told you to put on a hate before you go out in the sun?

27. Pretty in Pink

You can't expect all cats to want to dress up, just like you can't expect all cats to not want to dress up. Think about children going to church. There are children who hate dressing up in their finest clothes every Sunday. It's like you have to bribe them to do it. It's not torture, it's just a sundress. Then there are the kids who love getting dressed up for church. They are the weirdos you should stay away from.

This cat looks ready to praise the lord. That's her Sunday church outfit, but you should see her Saturday night going out outfit. That's when she sluts it up. Everyone deserves to slut it up every once in a while, especially cats. That's when they put on their cat eye makeup. They are very good at doing cat eye makeup. Who would have thought?

28. Dog Lake

Who is to say that you can't rewrite Swan Lake to make it about dogs? All you have to do is grab the script, Ctrl-F "swan" and replace it with dog. That's not hard at all. That's how I wrote my script, Underground Wars. I just took the Star Wars script and replace "Star" with "Underground." Now it's a completely unique work. Or, at least it will be once I'm cleared of Disney's lawsuit.

Remember how I said that a cape is a bad wardrobe choice for a dog because of the way it falls on their body? The tutu is the exact opposite. A tutu always looks good on a dog because it's made to stick out, and it's harder for them to shake off of their waist. That's the key to a good dog outfit: make it impossible to shake off.

29. The Crown

You can tell by the look on its face that this cat has no idea what the hell is going on. It's the same effect as when you put a piece of tape on a cat's head or back of the neck. Their mind can't computer the existence of piece of tape on their back, so they just think something is pressing down on them. It's hilarious, but also torturous. That's the definition of a prank, isn't it?

This little girl is getting a kick out of a cat wearing a hat. You have to lob the simplicity of a child's mind. Sometimes we as adults tap into that, but it's very difficult. When's the last time you laughed hysterically at something very simple. Watch an old Warner Brothers cartoon and have yourself a good old fashioned child laugh.

30. Disney Channel Moment

At least you can give this cat owner credit for being kind enough to provide their cat with a play area. I used to have a six foot play area for my cats, but eventually it had to go to make room for things that I enjoy. Plus one of my cats is too fat to have climbed it. She could only enjoy the first platform. I didn't want her to form an inferiority complex from my other cat always being higher than her.

It may seem like this is torture to the cat, but think of how cozy that cat is. It's like being back in the womb, if you shared the womb with a fish. I don't want to see what kind of familial situation would have to occur for there to be a cat and a fish in the womb at the same time, but in theory it's a sweet thought.

31. Designed by Both Genders

Before any millennials come and attack me, no, not all boys need to like traditionally boy stuff, and not all girls need to like traditionally girl stuff. That being said, this was obviously designed by a boy and a girl. Boys like swords and shields, so sure enough the dog is wielding a sword and shield. Girls like dresses and fairies, so sure enough the dog is wearing a dress and some fairy wings. Amazing plot twist if the girl put the sword and shield and the boy put the dress and fairy wings. We'll never know. If you're the designer of this dog's look, please comment with your gender.

This outfit might be a little bit of overkill. I don't see that dog getting up and remembering to bring the sword and shield. For one, no opposable thumbs.

32. Christmas Dog

We're all accustomed to the Christmas tradition of decorating the Christmas tree, but there are some issues with doing that. For one, you either have to cut down a tree or you have to buy one. Either way you're looking at having to strap it to your car (or take it on the bus with you), and get sap all over the place. The better solution? A Christmas Dog. If you already have a dog, it's easy. You just throw the Christmas decorations all over the dog and you're done. If you don't have a dog already, it gets a little bit difficult.

I'm not sure that I'm loving the position this kid has decided to decorate in. Bless his poor, innocent heart. He has no idea what this looks like. It looks like... the dog is giving him a piggy back ride.

33. Swinger Cat

I've seen a lot of weird things with animals. Some of them have been on this list, the others would land me in jail if I talked about them. Still, this is one I've never seen. What cat would stay in the swing long enough to take a picture? This cat, that's who. This cat seems to be enjoying themselves immensely. My guess is that it's been neutered, or else that might not be the most comfortable position.

The reason why they don't make those swing set seats for older kids and adults? It's not because older kids and adults don't need the extra precaution. It's because we have parts that are large and sensitive. I won't go into it anymore. I think you catch my drift. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. I got neutered with my cat on a two for one special.

34. MTV Cribs

Usually animals don't like to be put in cages. I wouldn't want to be put in one either. There is an exception though. The exception is if the cage is a giant comfy bed. That's exactly what a crib is, so it all makes sense. If they made jail cells like cribs, we'd have a lot less shanks and a lot more naps. That's what I want when I go to prison. A twenty to life nap sentence. Isn't that the dream?

I tried to buy a nice little bed for my cats, but they don't ever use it. Then I put a plastic grocery bag on the floor and they sleep on it for hours. I'm going to remember that when I have kids. They are never getting any toys. I'll give them plenty of sticks, cardboard boxes, and plastic grocery bags though.

35. Maybe it's Maybelline

This cat definitely wasn't born with it. Cats generally aren't born with full faces of makeup. Not to say humans are either, but you meet some people with faces so gorgeous that they look like they are wearing makeup all the time. I think in this case, we might have to blame this on Maybelline. Baby girl might need to brush up on her skills though. She's looking like a blind Jersey housewife with that makeup on.

As much as we joke about putting makeup on cats, I don't advise it. They'll probably end up licking it off, getting sick, which is never good. You don't want to be labeled a cat killer just because you thought it would be funny to make your cat look like Lady GaGa. If they don't lick it, you have to clean it. If you've ever given a cat a bath, you know that this is a horrible option.

36. Meet Spot

The kid wanted to name the dog Spot, but the parents said, "no, that's too cliche. Let's name the dog Clifford, after my great grandfather." The kid left with the dog, came back ten minutes later with it looking like this, and said, "we're naming it Spot." Look at the look on his face. That's the look of someone who is saying, "ys, I painted the dog, and the dog is staying that way and that's final. Anyone got a problem?"

That kid is looking swole. I'm definitely not going to question his judgement. There are two types of strength that I fear. Old man strength and baby strength. Old man strength comes from when you reach a certain age and your bones become incredibly fortified from being an old man. Baby strength is the unnatural strength of babies. We've all felt it before. It's something you can't fight off.

37. Loyal Steed

This is what small dogs were born for. They can be yappy, cold all the time, and downright annoying, but once you put an action figure or doll on their back, small dogs become loyal steeds. You can see it in the dog's eyes. He is already feeling stronger, both in spirit and body. I think this is the confidence boost all small dogs need so that they can calm down a little bit.

There's a sweet spot in age where you can ride a dog. Unfortunately if you're reading this you've already passed that age. You've got to be incredibly tiny and light, like two or three years old. If you've missed your chance, I'm sorry, but you can always pass the gift along. Find a child and put them on a dog's back. They'll thank you for it.

38. Feeding the Dog

Pigtails or french braids combine two things that dogs love: something to chew and something to pull. If you see a dog who is looking at you like you're a piece of meat, for one you should watch out because that dog might eat you, and for two, you should check if you're wearing pigtails or braids. If so, hide them into Princess Leia buns. If not you might end up playing tug of war with your own hair.

When they are puppies it is so cute to have your dog chew on your hair. It feel like a little ticklish massage. Then they grow up and they're cracking your neck with one quick snap of their head. It's a habit you better break when they are small and cute. Once we have puppies that stay puppies forever, we won't have to worry about that anymore.

39. I Don't Remember that on the Grocery List

I know that there are pet stores, but imagine if the grocery store sold pets. I'm not talking about having to go through all the stupid paperwork like you do when you go to the pound. I'm talking about little cages you can pick up and put in your cart. I would walk out with a new cat every time I went. That's how easy they need to make it if they want to get rid of shelters. Once I have to put my social security number on a form, I no longer want to deal with it. Sorry, Fido.

I wonder if that dog is enjoying himself so he's staying inside, or if the kid is pushing the cart so fast that the knows he can't jump out. He's just thinking, "she's got to stop some time..."

40. A Royal Purr

The person in this picture is checking the cat's pulse, wondering if the cat is still alive. "No cat would just sit there wearing a princess crown while we took pictures. She must be dead." Sorry, I know this is an article about kids and their pets. I shouldn't talk about their pets being dead. Kids, if you're reading this, your pets will never die. They will live forever. You're the one who is going to die. Better now?

The crown seems to be fitting pretty well, though I worry that the headband part of the crown is inside of its ears. Have you noticed that the better a cat headpiece stays on, the more of a torture device it is for the cat? The crown is probably poking the part of the brain that makes the cat upset.

41. Happy Catsgiving

Here's a whole new type of fun I never knew existed. I have a color printer and a hundred sheets of blank paper. It's time to print out some things that shouldn't have cat faces... and give them cat faces! How about Samuel L. Jackson in a screenshot from Pulp Fiction? Or if I want to keep it really chill, I could put my cat's head on another cat's body. I know that seems like a boring use of this craft, but imagine my cat's head on a lion's body. What? A lion is a cat.

I like how the cat doesn't even know what's going on. Cats can't possibly put together what's going on. Even if this cat looked in a mirror, the cat would just think, "there is a thing on me." They wouldn't get the joke. Stupid cat.

42. Indianapolis Feline-hundred

If you want to race on the hardest track known to man, look no further than the Indianapolis Feline-hundred. It undulates. It yawns. It purrs. All the hardest obstacles to face when you are going one hundred miles per hour. That's actually a pretty cool concept. Think about a race track on a living being. The creature could have mini creatures on it, it could shake and rumble. It could rotate. I see a video game or a children's cartoon in the works. Then a toy line. The possibilities are endless.

This brings me back to being a kid and doing this on my dogs. I would have my action figures fight on top of my dogs. It was fun, but never lasted long. I don't think my dogs liked being action figure accessories. I guess they just liked being dogs.

43. The Queen's Guard

Every respectable queen needs a queen's guard to take care of her. Have you seen the British Queen's guardsmen? They are crazy. They are the guys who stand completely still while wearing those tall hats. They may be still as statues, but mess with them and you'll end up with some broken teeth. I fear you may have a worse outcome if you were to mess with this queen. That's a dog who has a bad bark and a bad bite.

Who says a scary guard dog needs to be one hundred percent scary though? There is almost something more terrifying about a dog wearing pink chasing you. Hopefully those fairy wings aren't functioning or else you might look behind you and see a pit bull flapping towards you. That's the thing of nightmares.

44. One at a Time, Please

The problem with dog doors is that they also double as baby doors, and while it would be nice if your baby could go outside and take a dump in the grass instead of in an expensive diaper, but people generally don't want their children running out into the wild on their own. That's how you end up with a dingo eating your baby. Luckily the dingo next to the baby here just wants to go outside too, not eat him.

I think these two are going to learn a brutal lesson in stubbornness. Dogs and babies are both very stubborn. I don't know who is going to win this battle of wills, but I'm going to guess it'll be the baby. Dogs know better than to win over a baby. Dogs get hit with the newspaper. Babies don't.

45. Lap Dance

This baby looks like a drunk dude getting a lap dance. The dog looks like a typical stripper, not interested in the drunk idiot she's sitting on. In a year, that dog is going to have her bachelor's degree in communications. Then she'll get out of the game. But like everyone knows, you never get out of the game. That baby might sober up the next day, get married, and never come back, but she'll be there for the rest of her life and she knows it.

That's quite a depressing yarn I just spun about a baby and a dog, but these thoughts have to go somewhere. I can't let them just sit and marinate in my own mind. I'll go crazy! It's better that we share them together. Now they are both of our burdens.

46. Muddy Buddies

Little kids like mud. Dogs like mud. Why not bring them all together for a fun, messy good time? Of course kids and dogs like getting all dirty. They never have to clean everything. If I didn't have to do my own laundry I'd jump in the mud all the time. As it is now I need to try my best not to sweat just so I don't have to clean the shirt for one more day. That's the level of broke we're dealing with. Kids and dogs don't have to worry about that at all. Jokes on them. By the time this little girl and dog grow up, there won't be anymore water on Earth for them to clean themselves. Suckers!

I think that might be a lab, and if there's one thing labs love, it's to get messy. If you own one, expect it to smell unless you wash it constantly.

47. Man's Best Prom Date

"Honey, why'd you put two multi-colored tutus in the shopping cart?" / "One for me, and one for our dog." What a great purchase idea considering the fact that it gave us this photo. The look of joy on that little girl's face is only matched by the look of pure horror on that dog's face. He doesn't want to be there, but if he's going to have to be, he's going to do the best damn box step you've ever seen.

I wonder if anyone has ever taken their dog to prom. That seems likely considering all the other wacky stuff people do at prom. Why wouldn't you bring your dog? At least your dog is a reliable date. They won't run off with anyone else, unless that person has steaks, but if they have steaks, I'm coming too.

48. Baby Food Tastes Funny

This baby has no idea the type of paint it's inflicting on this other living thing. That's the thing about babies. They have no idea what they're doing. The Incredibles 2 is coming out and it features a baby with superpowers who just messes everything up around it. Luckily this baby doesn't have superhuman strength or that kitty would end up being lunch. Oh, the irony of the term "hair ball."

If that were an adult cat it could easily run away and everything would be fine. Too bad it's a helpless kitten. Their bones are like Q-tips. Not the good kind of Q-tips either. Those bendy, cheap Q-tips that are good for nothing. If you can't tell, I'm pretty passionate when it comes to Q-tips. I thought I was passionate about kittens, but I'm more passionate about Q-tips.

49. Story Time

For humans, there is nothing better than being told a story. Having someone read to you sends you to a magical place unlike any other. For dogs, it's the most boring activity in the world. They just think you're scolding them for a really long, boring time. Unless you're reading in the same voice that you say "who wants some treats?" then the dog doesn't want to hear it. And if you are reading like that, you better have treats to go with it.

There's probably some hipster who reads to their dogs every night because they read that it helps the dog's brain develop or something. The thing about idiots like that is that you can't criticize them because they're well intentioned. You tell them that they are dumb and their response is, "you think wanting my dog to be smarter makes me a bad person?" Freakin' hipsters. They are the worst pet owners.

50. You Ain't Lion

The kid running from this dog looks terrified. You'd think it's because the dog is dressed up like a lion. That makes sense, right? Let's have our dog dress up as a lion and scare people. The people will run for their lives because they think a lion is chasing them. Nope. The people are running because a huge dog is chasing them. The fact that it looks like a lion is secondary.

It reminds me of this prank where people dressed a small dog up like a giant spider. The costume had moving legs and everything. Needless to say, it was a terrifying prank. Think about people who are actually terrified of dogs though. If you did that prank on that person, they'd be scared either way. First at the spider, next at the dog.



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