Mystery Puddle Probed


Humor | By Holly Patrick | August 27, 2021

When you see a puddle in your path, a few things may go through your mind. First would be simply to try and avoid going through it. You don’t want to get your shoes wet if you’re wearing them, or your feet if not (though you should generally wear shoes).

If you’re brave, you might think of going ahead anyway, or at least of how deep and slippery the puddle might be. If not very, then you just might be all right. On the other hand, if the puddle is deep, then it might not be a puddle at all!

And then there’s the ultimate question faced by all pond-chasers, as those devoted to the science of pond-o-logy might well be called, if in fact it and they exist: Just what exactly could have possibly caused the pond? Those who fail to learn from ponds are doomed to repeat them.

It Happened In Cowdenbeath

The scene of the latest puddle to pop up anywhere on planet Earth is Cowdenbeath, Scotland, a town some 18 miles north of Edinburgh. One might guess that the Scots are no strangers to puddles, and if one did so one would be very correct. Moisture has fallen from the sky a time or two there, and a time or two it has collected on the ground for a spell.

But then there is little mystery about the composition of puddles born from precipitation, for those are water. And water tends to be seen for what it is fairly readily. Accordingly, pond-chasers probably do not consider water puddles worth their attention. One can conclude from the attention being paid that this one is no water. But if not a water puddle, then what is it?

Graham's Innocent

The first guess as to what the Cowdenbeath puddle is caused by, as is most commonly the second guess after water in the puddle game, is pineapple juice. And yes, we have all been burned many times from hoping that somehow, some way, a free supply of pineapple juice could be found in the wild. After all, it’s not as if it grows on trees.

But this time, there was some validity for the theory: a Graham’s Family Dairy is located nearby. As it sounds from the name, they specialize in dairy products, and so far as modern science knows, pineapple juice does not come from any mammal. But still! That’s not necessarily why pineapple juice has officially been ruled out as the puddle’s cause. But all that aside, the hunt for answers goes on.

The Hunt Goes On

What else are puddles made of, besides dreams? A band once told us that they can be made of mud, or “mudd”. But mud, even with two d’s, is identifiable by its thick, opaque nature. Could something that at least seemed like pineapple juice have in fact have been mud? Well, while some might critique their less favorite pineapple juice brands, they probably know them for what they are.

So what must the substance in the pond be made of? If it’s like pineapple juice, then it must be some combination of yellow, sticky and sweet. It could be something pleasant, like lemonade, or if not sweet then something unpleasant like human urine (which it must be said would have a far more plausible reason to be there). We will have to wait to know.

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