Critics are often called haters, but a critics job is to critique a movie. I know that sounds stupid and obvious, but it's important to clarify. Their job isn't to find good aspects of the film. Their job is to analyze it on the most critical level, which means being hard on movies.
Still, critics get it wrong a lot of the time, because they don't realize that what fans like is different than what is critically "good." Let's say that seventy percent of the population thought a movie was good - does it matter that a critic educated in film studies thought it was bad? Not really.
This list is about feeling either vindicated about liking a movie, or vindicated about hating it. It all just depends on where you land. Let's see which of these movies you love but critics hated. Your favorite movie just might be on this list. The critics must have been on something to give terrible reviews on #46!
Critic score: 33/100 - User score: 8.6/10 - How could you hate on 'Soul Plane?' You know what you're getting when you walk into 'Soul Plane.' You're going to get a movie about a black airline, playing on all the tropes of being black mixed with the tropes of being on an airline. Social Justice Warriors would probably be up in arms about this movie if it came out today, but black people would just be like, "we like this. Why are you guys freaking out?" I can't help but think that the reviewers that thought this was movie was offensive aren't even part of any of the offending groups.
What critics said: "An hour and a half of real airplane turbulence is better than sitting through the bad, offensive material that makes up 'Soul Plane.'"
Critic score: 34/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - This is a Ryan Reynolds' movie so it naturally has a fifty fifty shot of being good or bad. Dwayne The Rock Johnson has the same batting average. It's not their faults. They just do so many movies that they are bound to be stinkers. 'Self/Less' is about an old guy, played by Ben Kingsley, who takes the body of a young person, played by Ryan Reynolds. That means Ryan Reynolds had to act as if he was being Ben Kingsley. That's impressive! Critics didn't think so, but audiences had a good time.
What critics said: "'Self/less' is a celluloid smoothie blended from dozens of familiar elements, but it's neither tasty nor nutritious." Wow, which Jamba Juice hurt your feelings to where you had to take it out on this movie?
Critic score: 25/100 - User score: 7.9/10 - The Irishmen, Colin Ferrell, playing a cowboy? What could go wrong? Three out of four critics believe that EVERYTHING went wrong. 'American Outlaws' is your typical western about a bunch of normal dudes who have to rise up against the evil railroad baron to take back their land and their freedom. Western movies can sink or swim based on the charisma of the actors since at the end of the day, most of them are just this exact plot. Western movies were some of the first movies to be made, so needless to say, there's a lot of them. I'd say Colin Farrell adds enough heat to elevate this. Of course the critics did not agree.
What critics said: "There's no escaping the hackneyed plot or Mayfield's conventional hand. So don't go." Oh, come on, critics. Don't go? They're killing the movie industry.
Critic score: 34/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - The most disturbing thing about this movie is that we get to see adult Haley Joel Osment, the former child star from 'The Sixth Sense.' The thing is, you never really know how a kid is going to look when they grow up. Haley Joel Osment look like... that. He plays a teacher at an inner city school who takes it upon himself to teach the kids sex-ed. THat sounds highly illegal, but OK. Not the good kind of illegal like stealing cable. It sounds like the bad kind of illegal, like hanging out with your pants off at elementary schools.
What critics said: "While Isaac Feder's raunchy comedy gives the 'Sixth Sense' star the opportunity to roll a condom over a banana and talk really dirty, it offers precious little to even the most undemanding audiences."
Critic score: 33/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - Sign me up for every single movie about a cop/agent/detective/army man who teams up with a normal guy. I love every single one of those movies. Throw Kevin Hart in twelve of those movies. They could all be the same and I'd still love them. In this case you have the king of badasses, Samuel L. Jackson, with the king of being awkward, Eugene Levy. Of course this movie wasn't going to be anything more than these two messing with each other, but that's what it's all about. There should be a bowl full of awkward actor names, and a bowl full of action star names, and then every six months we pick two names and make a movie.
What critics said: "It's just awful. Pointless, lazy, derivative and paralyzingly dull."
Critic score: 19/100 - User score: 7.3/10 - This is a movie about Ben Affleck being alone for Christmas, so he goes back to his childhood home to spend the holidays. The only thing is that his family doesn't live there anymore, so he pays a guy (played by James Gandolfini) to let him have Christmas with them. You've got to be desperate to do that. I mean both sides. You'd have to be desperate to pay someone to spend Christmas with them, and you'd have to be desperate to take the money.
What critics said: "This ghastly comedy emits the subliminal whine of a sucking chest wound." It's not as bad as this critic says. It's just a typical Christmas comedy. They're never 'Citizen Kane,' but they don't need to be. They just need to make us feel warm and fuzzy.
Critic score: 27/100 - User score: 8.2/10 - Charlize Theron plays a manic pixie dream girl who helps the overworked Keanu Reeves learn how to enjoy life. For those people who are sick of the manic pixie dream girl trope, you should probably skip this. Charlize Theron is aggressively a MPDG, though overall, the movie is very surprising.
What critics said: "Passes off pathological behavior as romantic bliss. It's about two sick and twisted people playing mind games and calling it love." This is actually kind of true. This movie is brutal. It pretends it's a romantic comedy, and then it hits you with the sadness. I feel like this movie was preparing audiences for 'Marley and Me.' We had to build up our immunity to sadness before we were ready for dog's dying.
Critic score: 32/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - I love a good body swap movie. This Chris Rock vehicle attempted its own spin on the genre. Chris Rock plays a comedian (big surprise) who is wrongfully killed .I don't mean by the police. I mean that heaven messed up when they ordered the hit on him. Heaven lets him go back but he has to take an old white guy's body. Young black guy in a white guy's body? That's already funny! A movie like this practically writes itself. Eugene Levy is also in this movie, so maybe critics have some kind of vendetta against him. He's critical poison.
What critics said: "For a comedy, there are precious few real laughs. Three to be exact." Wow, they really counted the laughs. Maybe they were just having a bad day?
Critic score: 24/100 - User score: 7.9/10 - This is Sean William Scott's attempt at a more dramatic role, but I don't know if it totally works for me. I'll never be able to see him as anything other than Stifler from 'American Pie.' Remember when he drank the semen in the beer? In this movie he plays a guy whose life has completely fallen apart, so he goes back home to face the people from his past. Of course he meets a girl and they fall into all the trappings of a dramatic love story. It ends with a terrific climax where Sean William Scott chugs a pale ale, only to find that it's - nevermind. I'm getting my movies confused again.
What critics said: "The film falters when it ham-fistedly attempts to detour into sensitive drama."
Critic score: 38/100 - User score: 9.3/10 - I haven't seen this movie, but I might go see it immediately. Sung Kang is in it, so that's reason enough to want to watch this. Sung Kang is known for his role as Han in the Fast and the Furious franchise. He's one of the most awesome actors working today. This moive also has a crazy plot. After a woman has a car accident, she wakes up married to a man she's never met and living a life she doesn't remember. It's described as a thriller, romance, mystery. I bet audiences were happy to have something so fresh, even if the critics Rotten Tomato score wasn't so fresh.
What critics said: "'Pali Road' disappoints with ghost-romance squishiness and deadly dull pacing." Ghost-romance squishiness? That sounds like a spoiler.
Critic score: 32/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - Ashley Judd is in this, and she has two speeds. One is romantic comedies. The second is assault victim. This one is a romantic comedy, but definitely go check out her victim movies because she's great in them. In this movie, Judd's character gets dumped, leading her to believe that men act just like animals. SHe starts studying men, using the help of Hugh Jackman. You don't need to do any research really. Just go to a Cubs game and see how the guys act. There's all the proof you need.
What critics said: "Another dim adaptation of a bright comic novel." Movies based on novels are the easiest to be critical of. You just need to fall back on, "it's not as good as the book." It's like, we get it, you can read. Great job.
Critic score: 32/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - Of course the critics hated a Martin Lawrence movie. Hollywood has it out for Martin Lawrence. It's a conspiracy. Why do you think he went crazy and waved a gun around in traffic a couple decades back. I don't know what Martin Lawrence knows, but they're trying to kill him for it. This movie is really fun if you like Martin Lawrence. He does his usual schtick but in medieval times. Please put every funny comedian in medieval times. It's a recipe for success.
What critics said: "There's precious little to like about the witless and decidedly tedious 'Black Knight' other than the fact that it's unlikely to generate a sequel." Sequel, eh? Although it's not a sequel, Whoopi Goldberg was in a made for TV movie that has the exact same plot.
Critic score: 33/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - This was a Marvel movie before the Marvel Cinematic Universe was even created. This was back in the time of the wild west of comic book movies. Critics weren't getting paid off by Marvel yet. Marvel didn't have that Disney money to throw around. Now every single Marvel moviel gets great reviews. Interesting... This movie was great, even with John Travolta's hammy acting. The critics really didn't know what they were talking about, but also this was a time when critics didn't know how to react to comic book and video game movies.
What critics said: "Fires blanks. Thoroughly routine, pic plays like a paint-by-numbers pilot for bygone basic-cable teleseries." This critic probably likes it. They just wanted an excuse to sound clever by saying "fires blanks."
Critic score: 24/100 - User score: 8.0/10 - The New Guy is a story about a new guy. Just kidding. But also, that's what it is about. It's just that it's a little more complicated than that. Just a little. A geeky, lame dude played by DJ Qualls (no, he's not a real DJ) goes to a new school and decides to be a whole new person. He ends up becoming incredibly popular. I distinctly remember this movie making me want to move to a different high school so I could try this. I'd probably end up screwing it all up by just changing my name but not my attitude at all. My reputation would be ruined at two school.
What critics said: "Lame, derivative comedy." I feel like this is a review of every single one of my jokes.
Critic score: 31/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - I distinctly remember the movie 'They.' Once I saw the preview, I knew I wanted to see this movie. It's about monsters that come for you in the dark. At the very beginning of the movie there's a guy who is so afraid of the creatures that he shoots himself in the face in a diner. Even scarier, the monsters tag you when you're younger. Then they come and find you.
What critics said: "The film stinks from start to finish, like a wet burlap sack of gloom." It's definitely a dark and twisted movie that doesn't end happily, but why is that a bad thing? It's a horror movie. All it needs to do is freak you the hell out. Guess what? It did! It freaked me out plenty!
Critic score: 31/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - This movie was somewhat ahead of its time. Now this whole movie is just one episode of 'Silicon Valley.' Ryan Phillipe made the most money he had ever earned off of one movie with this one at one million dollars. Please. I don't even audition for less than one million, you know what I'm saying? When you love the actor, you love the movie. You don't care how by-the-numbers it is. With Ryan Phillipe and Rachael Leigh Cook in the cast, this movie could have been about anything.
What critics said: "A big techno-dud." Tech movies are hard because you can either play all the tech down so that normal people can understand it, or you use real technology. The first choice leaves the whole movie feeling fake. The second choice is super boring. You can't win.
Critic score: 31/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - This is a James Franco movie if I've ever heard of one. James Franco plays a guy who comes from a long line of male prostitutes. I don't know why, but it just seems to fit with James Franco's weirdness. He's the kind of guy who would become a male prostitute for a year just to try it out. Then again, who wouldn't?
What critics said: "Emotionally incoherent." James Franco is a great actor, but he's a great actor in the same way Nicolas Cage is a great actor. You have to use him correctly. He's not like British actors who can play anything at all. Try to put him in a sympathetic drama and you're going to get an emotionally incoherent movie, but that's what FUN!
Critic score: 23/100 - User score: 7.9/10 - Please, tell me a Steven Seagal movie that critics DID like. I don't think one exists. He's not exactly known for Oscar-worthy movies. Many movies aren't known for being Oscar-worthy, nor should they be. We love Steven Seagal movies because they're crazy, violent, and hardly make sense. Just look at the photo. Steven Seagal in a doo rag? I'm not happy about it, but at least I'm interested. In this movie he goes undercover into prison, which is one of my favorite genres. Seeing Steven Seagal punk people in prison is pure bliss.
What critics said: "Stupid. Illogical. Simplistic. Pandering. And those are its good points." What a sick burn. I'm going to have to use this format on someone. "You're ugly, fat, and smell bad. And those are your good qualities."
Critic score: 25/100 - User score: 8.2/10 - According to the poster, Chris Klein smolders in every second of this movie. Now that I'd like to see. Let's see some steam radiating off of Mr. Klein. Meow. Anyway, this is about three teens who meet over a Summer. Love happens. Tragedy happens. Sexy stuff probably happens. That's everything you could possibly want in a teen film.
What critics said: "An almost terminally sappy youth romance." I'm going to guess that most of these professional critics weren't teenagers. Teenagers tend to have jobs like McDonald's fry cook, or movie theater puke-cleaner-upper. This movie isn't for adults, so if you're judging it on adult terms, of course it's going to suck. Teens ate this crap up, which is why it has such a high user score.
Critic score: 25/100 - User score: 8.2/10 - Don't get excited by the huge "QUENTIN TARANTINO" on the poster. For a second I thought that I'd missed a Tarantino movie. You never know. One could have gotten lost in the Marvel movie era of the last ten years. Quentin Tarantino produced this movie, but beyond that it doesn't quite have his stamp on it. It's the type of movie you'd see inside of a Quentin Tarantino movie. I'd call it in the same family as 'Machete.' Some would call it the Grindhouse genre. The thing about Grindhouse movies is that they aren't for everyone. The audience who loves these movies finds them. That's why critics might not like this gem, but true fans love it.
What critics said: "It's a self-amused, self-conscious, seriously limp throwback to motorcycle Westerns of the 1970s."
Critic score: 31/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - I feel like most horror movies get a bad rap with critics. Maybe these critics are just big scaredy cats. They wouldn't know horror if it hit them in the face with a chainsaw and then murdered several more people until eventually being stopped by a virgin. This one is a werewolf movie about two estranged siblings who get attacked by a werewolf one night. Being attacked by a werewolf is one of those those things where there's a fine line between attacked and killed. You can be attacked by a bee and the worst thing that happens is a sting. You can be attacked by a werewolf and be eaten alive. Big difference.
What critics said: "The scariest thing in the movie is a cameo by Scott Baio."
Critic score: 31/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - High Jackman, Michelle WIlliams, and Ewan McGregor all in the same movie. That's a stacked cast, so why don't I remember this movie? Because the critics wanted to bury it, that's why! Maybe that's conspiracy-theorist-ish, but I feel a little crazy today so who cares. It's a movie about a normal guy who gets dragged into the world of high-level corporate espionage. People love those stories because most people work in a shitty corporate job. It's the most realistic fantasy for them. Getting sucked into a tornado and ending up on the yellow brick road is ridiculous, however, stealing some files at work, that's realistic.
What critics said: "An overwrought and ultimately silly thriller." Sometimes I'm in the mood for a silly thriller, or even a silly 'Thriller.' That's Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video except instead of a werewolf he turns into a poodle.
Critic score: 27/100 - User score: 8.4/10 - 'Pulse' is a remake of a Japanese movie named 'Kairo.' I feel bad for movies based on Japanese films. They always get a bad rap. You can't really explore the same themes because there are many images and themes that are important to the Japanese that aren't important here. Often times the story falls apart because we're not familiar with the lore. I'm sure this is not a faithful adaptation in any shape or form, but it's got Kristen Bell, and that's enough to save any movie. If she was playing Veronica Mars in this movie, she'd have defeated the evil spirits within the first five minutes. She's just that good, people.
What critics said: "Hideously ugly to look at and not even worth following."
Critic score: 20/100 - User score: 7.7/10 - Of course we were going to see a Saturday Night Live actor's movie on this list. Many Saturday Night Live actors have gone onto film after or during their tenure at the show, to mixed results. Fans love the movies since fans love the actors. We just want to see more of them, especially after they leave Saturday Night Live. One could say that we need more cowbell (reference to the Christopher Walken Saturday Night Live sketch). In this case, Chris Kattan doesn't reprise his role as one of this old characters. He plays a veterinarian whose family makes him infiltrate the FBI to see what dirt they have on the family. That doesn't sound like a great sketch to me.
What critics said: "Worth your time and money? Fuhgeddaboutit."
Critic score: 29/100 - User score: 8.6/10 - I thought everyone loved Simon Pegg, including critics. I guess Britain's golden boy can't always make hits. In 'Hector and the Search for Happiness,' Simon Pegg plays a middle-aged guy looking for meaning and happiness in his life. Aren't all middle aged men looking for this? Isn't it something all of them can relate to? Maybe the middle-aged male critics felt this hit too close to home, and the female critics just didn't get it. Who knows, but it didn't slow Simon Pegg down one bit.
What critics said: "The film aims for twee, but lands on torturous. It's narcissism blown up to a global scale, in the guise of a quirky voyage of self-discovery." Anytime something tries to be twee, I'm out. I don't like the word. I don't like what it means. I don't like what it feel like rolling off my tongue.
Critic score: 24/100 - User score: 8.2/10 - 'London' is a movie that centers all around a party. I love those types of movies. There's so much that can go wrong at a party from secrets coming out, lies being told, and hookups being had. In this movie you just get to see attractive celebrities like Chris Evans and Jessica Biel do coke with each other and party. What more could the fans want? The critics might not like good old fashioned fun like this, but oh well.
What critics said: "A misfired attempt at provocation and the exploration of philosophical thought, 'London' is little more than an immature display of male bonding on speed." This critic's review sounds more like a good review for my tastes. Male bonding on speed? I'm in. I love it already.
Critic score: 29/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - This movie is Vince Vaughn versus John Travolta. The ultimate deathmatch to see who is the best dad. OK,maybe it's not quite that. That makes it sound more like 'Daddy's Home,' the movie with Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, which it is not. Not even close. John Travolta plays a divorced dad who finds out the new husband is evil, so he has to do anything to try and stop him. This type of movie always makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable in the best ways. No one believes Travolta so he looks crazy, but we all know the truth. That is dramatic writing 101.
What critics said: "The most surprising thing about the movie is that somebody bothered to make it in the first place."
Critic score: 28/100 - User score: 8.6/10 - The premise of 'She Hate Me' is wild. It's definitely a movie that you might write off completely from the get go. Anthony Mackie who plays one of the Avengers that no one knew existed before the movies plays a banker who loses everything. He gets set up for fraud so he's desperate for cash. That's when his lesbian ex comes over and offers to pay him to knock her up. That starts a whole long line of ladies who want the same thing. It almost sounds like a plot to a porno movie, doesn't it? Black man has sex with many lesbians.
What critics said: "'She Hate Me' manages to be at once racist, homophobic, utterly fake, and unbearably tedious. This time, it's Spike Lee who's doing the bamboozling."
Critic score: 30/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - At the height of skateboarding's resurgence of popularity in the early 2000s, they decided to make this movie. Then it came out a couple of years after that. What I'm saying is that I remember this movie coming out after the party had died down a bit. That may have affected some critics scores, but then again, are critics even avid skateboarders? I don't see many of them finishing up a review of the newest Cate Blanchett film so they can go hit the skate park. With that being said, the audience for this movie is young boys and girls who chug Mountain Dew and scream "EXTREME!" and they loved it.
What critics said: "Sitting through the teen skateboard comedy 'Grind' is, well, a grind." Very clever.
Critic score: 34/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - Oh, man. Please watch the trailer for this movie, because it is twisted fun. Maybe fun isn't the right word, but twisted definitely is the right word. A deaf girl moves in with a family after both her parents die, but everyone thinks its cool to tell her all their secrets since she can't hear. The biggest secret? The daughter is having sex with her dad. Sounds bad enough right? Turns out the deaf girl can hear, so she's like "giiiiiiirl. I know what you two are doing." Beyond that, I have no clue what happens. It's been years since I've seen it, but I think I'll have to watch it again.
What critics said: "Neither ambitious enough to take seriously nor sleazy enough to enjoy, 'The Quiet' flirts with the trappings of exploitation cinema without going all the way."
Critic score: 30/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - This is a movie about a guy played by Keanu Reeves who is sucked out of his normal world and given the choice to either continue what he's doing, or jump into a fantastical world and do something with his life. No, I'm not talking about 'The Matrix.' I'm talking about 'The Replacements.' See what I did there? This movie isn't about the Matrix at all. It's about a football team in need of replacement players. Sounds fun to me!
What critics said: "The worst movie of the new millennium." It must really suck to be the first bad movie of the new millenium. You only get one shot in a thousand years at that. At least it's an accomplishment no one can ever take away from you.
Critic score: 18/100 - User score: 7.7/10 - 'BloodRayne' is a videogame from a bygone era, though hardcore gamers might remember it. She's no Tomb Raider, that's for sure. Uh oh. Now all the fans are going to comment saying, "Her name is Lara Croft. Not Tomb Raider." Who cares, dweebs? Video game movies are rarely every "good." I mean that in the traditional sense. I mean they are good in the way that fans just love what they love. 'Street Fighter' isn't "good," but I love it more than any other movie.
What critics said: "Just when you thought camp was dead, along comes this bizarre cross between a Tarantino knockoff and a Hammer horror film." This is a film by Uwe Boll who is a notable horrible filmmaker, known for taking video game properties and making movies out of them. He'll be on this list plenty.
Critic score: 29/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - This movie definitely evokes feelings of classic '80s movies like 'City Slickers,' but updated for modern humor tastes in the year 2004. Humor tastes in 2004 comprised of lots of misogyny, sexism, farts, and poop. This movie provides that in huge amounts, which can either be a criticism or a good review, depending on who you ask. It's about three old friends who go on a search for treasure. I remember when I did that with my friends. We had a map and everything. The only problem was that we drew the map and there was no treasure.
What critics said: "In a summer filled with dumb comedies, this might prove to be the dumbest. Think 'Road Trip' meets 'City Slickers.' Then dial the humor down a few notches, and you're left 'Without a Paddle.'"
Critic score: 20/100 - User score: 8.0/10 - 'Branded' is a dystopian movie where brands seek to infiltrate the public's minds, controlling every aspect of their lives. No, it's not a documentary, though it sounds like one. Big corporations are the enemy in this movie, so let me play conspiracy theorist for a second. If most critics work for big companies, and this movie is about big companies being evil, were the negative reviews an attempt to destroy the film's reputation so the truth could never be told?? It all makes sense. Why would they want this movie to succeed? I've uncovered the truth!
What critics said: "To borrow a hamburger chain's refrain, not lovin' it." This critic's response fits into my conspiracy theory. They're trying to sell us McDonalds in the review by referencing the catch phrase!
Critic score: 26/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - You better believe that the trailer for this movie uses the song "Melt With You" by Modern English. How could it not? It's a movie trailer rule that if there is a song the same title as your movie, you have to use it. This isn't a love story though. It's about four men who vacation in Big Sur together, but their pasts catch up to them, and a pact they made as children is revisited. Are you hooked yet? If you're a middle-aged man, this will speak to you.
What critics said: "A movie about self-absorbed douchebags that wallows in their douchebaggery." Self-absorbed douchebags need movies too, you know. That's why this did so well. So many older douchebags went out to see it and loved it.
Critic score: 26/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - You have to watch out for any movie with 2000 in the title, especially if it came out around the year 2000. They did this with a lot of horror movies for some reason. I think it had to do with it being the year 2000. But seriously, to me it screams "cheesy." You know it's going to be something old trying to be so modern that it hurts. The title says it all in this movie. It's about Dracula appearing in the year 2000 and having to deal with Y2k and other worries. OK, so maybe not Y2K.
What critics said: "Overall, though, the slapdash pic appears to be the work of folks who made things up as they went along; you might say they were, well, vamping."
Critic score: 24/100 - User score: 8.6/10 - Here's an easy way to make a horror movie. I'll give you blanks to fill in. When [a person or group] [make some kind of mistake or hold a secret], a dark force comes after them to set it right. That's basically what this movie is and what countless other horror movies are. 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' is "When a group of friends kills a guy in a hit and run, a dark force comes after them to set it right." That's what this movie is, and it rules because of that. We watch these movies to see people die in creative ways, not for new plots.
What critics said: "Even the gratuitous nudity can't quite save a Heathers-goes-to-college horror that's undermined by a silly plot and clunky dialogue."
Critic score: 15/100 - User score: 7.8/10 - Here's another Uwe Boll movie! He's the director who consistently makes videogame based movies that are always panned by critics. I have to appreciate his gumption though, even if he is ruining the chances of there ever being a good movie based on these franchises. You'd think this one would be critically acclaimed considering it has Jason Statham, but this was still in his grey period where he wasn't a 100% box office draw, despite 'Driver' and 'Crank.' He was still an indie darling, though it feels like he was always a big action star. He's Dwayne the Rock Johnson level now. That's the level we all wish we were at.
What critics said: "As numbing and depressing to watch as suits hammering out a film-packaging deal one venal clause at a time."
Critic score: 23/100 - User score: 8.6/10 - This is a comedy about professional wrestling, so I hate to break it to you, but it's all fake. Ultimately, this movie didn't really know what its market was, which is why critics had a hard time with it. They couldn't possibly fathom a movie about wrestling that pokes fun at wrestling tropes. Why would fans like this?" they screamed. The thing is, wrestling fans are smart and understand that it's fine to laugh at themselves. Go make yourself a friend who loves pro-wrestling. It's important to meet people with different worldviews.
What critics said: "A movie made for wrestling fans that makes fun of wrestling fans? That cuts a little too close to the vicarious masochism at the heart of pro wrestling's core constituency. Also, it's not funny."
Critic score: 22/100 - User score: 8.5/10 - If you're a Zach Galifianakis fan, this is one of his early roles and it doesn't disappoint. This comedy is hilarious and an absolute classic in my mind. It's about snowboarders who work on a resort. You'll notice a lot of actors in this that have had long careers since. I'm not sure why critics didn't like this movie, but comedies are hard to please critics with. Critics like boring french movies that make them appear smarter for liking them. Seriously, how many movies do lame film-geeks "love" just so they can appear like they are cultured. You know I'm right. It's OK to like fart movies, bro.
What critics said: "About as arousing as an icy shower." Damn, critic. It's not a porno. The point isn't to be aroused. What a weirdo.
Critic score: 25/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - You put two of the biggest comedy acts of the time in the same movie and you're going to have success. Well, you're at least going to have success with fans. Critics may still pan you. This Eddie Griffin and Orlando Jones vehicle has them swap places. Orlando Jones, who plays the non-hood black guy, must switch places with Eddie Griffin, a dude from the hood. Comedy ensues.
What critics said: "Decidedly lowbrow." Well, yeah, but that's what it's supposed to be. A lowbrow comedy should be decidedly lowbrow. That means it's successful. Let's not act like every comedy needs to be Harvard-grad comedy. Give me stupid jokes all day for those days when I just want to turn my brain off. Once again, the critics fail.
Critic score: 20/100 - User score: 8.5/10 - This is the classic tale of two guys going after two different girls who are way out of their league. One girl is a theater nerd, so naturally the jock wants her. The other girl is a jock, so naturally the nerd wants her. The heart wants what the heart wants. James Franco plays the jock, which is quite the opposite as his stoner role in 'Freaks and Geeks,' but he can pull either off extremely well. This movie came out around the same time as a bunch of other teen movies about guys trying to get girls out of their league, but hey, they're all good.
What critics said: "If you can summon up the resolve to search, there is not a single honest moment in all of 'Whatever It Takes.'"
Critic score: 20/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - I love all the movies that the cast of Friends have been in. Who wouldn't? We love those actors so much after spending nine seasons with them. I still scream "we were on a break!" whenever my ex-girlfriend refiles the restraining order. Lisa Kudrow stars with the hilarious Damon Wayans. She plays a record label executive's daughter who has to make sure a rapper, played by Wayans, doesn't do anything crazy. It's like an older version of 'Get Him to the Greek.'
What critics said: "Plays like an overextended variety-show sketch." Considering Damon Wayans is an experienced sketch comedy actor, I think that was intentional. Lisa Kudrow brings her own comedy chops to the table too, so of course every scene is going to be like a sketch. Uncultured swine.
Critic score: 18/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - If you were ever mean to a nerd in high school, this movie is especially disturbing. Remember that horror movie synopsis generator we talked about? Here's how it works for this one. When [a person or group] [make some kind of mistake or hold a secret], a dark force comes after them to set it right. That's basically what this movie is and what countless other horror movies are. "When a group of friends picks on a guy in their high school years, a dark force comes after them to set it right." Wow, this really works! You should go out and make your own horror movie.
Plot summary: Five best friends are each looking for a relationship - a valentine to die for. And this year they might just get their wish.
Critic score: 16/100 - User score: 8.6/10 - If you're not into late '50s white gangsters, then this movie won't be your thing. Think of Jersey Boys meets Street Kings. Actually, I don't know if that's the right mixture for this movie, but something about it feels right. In this movie, a gang called the Deuces (named after going number two in the restroom, I think) tries to stop gangs from coming in and selling drugs in their neighborhood. The thing is, the non-violent gang usually gets their asses kicked by the drug peddling, gun-toting gangs. The power of love is only so strong. It can't deflect bullets. That reminds me. I need to get my girl a bulletproof vest for our anniversary.
What critics said: "A film that desperately wants to be a music video circa 1983."
Critic score: 17/100 - User score: 8.9/10 - Here's another extreme sports movie. This movie is for the type of extreme sports lover who thinks that Doritos are too spicy. You know what I'm getting at? It's really wanting to be extreme, but it's about as extreme as chocolate milk. Yeah, there's chocolate in the milk, but it's just chocolate milk! It's about four basic white guys who go on an extreme road trip along with one girl. If this were reality, you'd never hear from that girl again and all four guys would get off with community service. Don't be mad at me for saying. That's the world we live in. You can't trust men and when they go wild, nobody punishes them. @ me on that one.
What critics said: "One quarter 'True love waits,' three quarters 'Cowabunga!,' all pretty clumsy."
Critic score: 15/100 - User score: 8.8/10 - This falls into the genre of movies called "why don't you just move to a new house?!" I understand that it's not always easy to move, but these movies are always about rich white people. You know they own more than one property. Just get out of there. Unfortunately this type of horror movie doesn't' fit into my horror movie synopsis machine, but let's try anyway. "When a family moves into a haunted house, a dark force comes after them to set it right." Eh, kind of still works. Maybe my method isn't so bad. Horror fans love horror, critics don't. We know this by now.
What critics said: "'Darkness' was clearly tossed together like salad in the editing room, since it's little more than the sum of its unshocking shock cuts."
Critic score: 14/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - This one is proof that critics don't know what they're talking about. 'Kung Pow: Enter the First' is one of the best comedies of all time. It's an important work, not just in comedy, but as a technical achievement. They use clips from old martial arts films, as well as taking the aesthetic as a whole, making it look like it was plucked right out of a different decade.
What critics said: "Does this even count as a movie?" This is where I have to call out critics in a big way. There is no such thing as a way that movies must be. There are traditional ways of storytelling, but not any one way that is right or wrong. What does this critic even mean by this?
Critic score: 7/100 - User score: 8.0/10 - Wait just a second here. You're telling me there's a movie with Dave Chappelle, Danny Devito, and Norm MacDonald? All three of those legends all in one movie? We gotta get some beer and rent that right now. You know it's going to be funny. All it has to be is funny. Maybe critics were expecting a Shakespearean drama, or something. Have you ever heard a Norm MacDonald joke? He's the funniest comedian alive right now, just for saying dad jokes. And as for high brow humor, that's not why I tune in to see Dave Chappelle. I tune in to hear a guy tell us he sucks dick for cocaine. That's the type of comedy I buy a ticket for.
What critics said: "Late night cable TV filler disguised as a feature film."
Critic score: 8/100 - User score: 8.7/10 - We're talking about two critically hated genres combining for this movie. One is horror. We have talked at length about how critics don't understand horror. The second is comedy/spoof. Critics definitely don't know how to review comedy movies either. What you get out of this movie is just dumb, silly fun. Everyone knows that walking into it. I hate how critics walk into a movie like this expecting a Monty Python sketch to come out of it. No, it's just dumb jokes and boobs.
What critics said: "The lame gags, ineptly staged, don't produce anything in the way of genuine laughs." Did you ever think that your sense of humor is broken, Mr. Critic? Let's give a review on you and see how that goes, sucker.
