Let's try to focus on the market for this product. If you already have a beard, you don't wear this, right? It would be itchy, and also the physical equivalent of an oxymoron. Is there a word for that? There's probably a German word for it. If the bearded folk aren't wearing this, that means the only people wearing something like this are the poor-beardless folks of the world. I wonder if real-bearded men look down on the people wearing this. I wonder if EVERYONE looks down on people wearing this.
As much as I'm making fun of this, it's no different than a ski mask. Only this at least has some style. You're going to start hearing about a lot of bearded bank robbers. "I don't know officer. He has an immaculate beard. It almost looked knitted."