If someone put this bowl in front of me, I'd claim I was lactose intolerant. I'd fake a doctor's note if I had to. Hell, I'd fake death to get out of eating this. How does this even occur to someone? Someone must have accidentally dropped a cheese slice into their bowl, then their mom screamed, "don't you go wasting food! You better eat that!" There's no wasting food, even when that food is an abomination.
What kind of cheese works best? Just your typical Kraft singles? What about some artisanal cheeses. Would those make this even better, or does it require the cheapest materials possible? I have a theory that most cheap things taste good together because they're all made by the same company, like Kraft. It's probably all the same ingredients mashed into different tastes and textures.