34. Flipping Out Over These

Please tell me the situation where you'd need both heels and flippers. If you need both of those at the same time, you've made a terrible choice. You're either in the wrong kind of place, or you're an idiot. You see, generally the places where you'd need flippers also have sand. Heels don't do well in sand. Flippers in general aren't a great shoe for walking. If anything we should be trying to make flippers easier to walk in, not more difficult.

These are like crocs for special occasions. If you ever go to the Redneck Awards you'll see tons of women sporting these, and wearing clothes from world class designers like Louis Futon. That's a wonderful pun off of Louis Vuitton. You can direct all fan mail to the underpass by the 101 and 110 freeways.

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