"Honey, why aren't you eating your chicken nuggets?" / "Because the table is staring at me." What an ornate design. Is that Morrissey? This better be a vegan meal if we're going to have Morrissey staring at us the entire time. If an entire dinner must be spent with this face, could they have at least put a smile on it? Get a piece of watermelon and make a nice little smiling mouth. Everybody would love that.
As much as I love a beautifully set table, it feels counter productive to me. Let me help you understand by describing how I eat. The way I eat could best be described as Knight who just came back from battle. I prefer a wood picnic table with assorted meats that you grab with your hands. The only way to wash your hands is to dunk them in big barrels of water. Get the picture?