The reason you would buy packaged cookies over making them yourself is that you get a uniform cookie. The perfect cookie, in some respects. Sure, homemade cookies are inferior in taste and texture, but they come out in weird shapes and there is a chance that you screw up banking them. Not store bought cookies though. Or at least that's what I thought. Look at that burnt-ass cookie. That doesn't belong in a package among golden beauties.
I never trusted those keebler elves anyway. I don't trust three adult men who live together. I don't know what they're up to. It seems nefarious. I think those keebler elves are terrorists. They're planning something in that tree. The cookies could even be a part of it. I'm not saying boycott keebler cookies. I'm just trying to share the facts.