Let's get past the fact that "50 Photos That Will Leave You with Trust Issues" could be a fantastic Drake song. Actually, I shouldn't have brought that up. Now I'm just playing a fictional Drake song in my head. Anyways, welcome to the world of liars. Not only lying people, but lying products and signs too. We've got all sorts of liars here today, so strap in and get ready for me to roast some filthy, no good liars - #47 will totally get you on the floor.
1. Avoid the Nuke Box
These should obviously be called freezer containers and lids. They seem to be great for freezers, apparently. I just don't get why this has to happen. I'm going to blame it on either someone not giving a shit enough to check, or that this was poorly translated. It could also be both.
This is why we need to go back to having tupperware parties. You'd get a bunch of friends together and a lady would come to your house to show you all the different types of tupperware she had. Isn't that just so beautifully pure? The only products that still do that are knives and sex toys. Have you ever been to a sex toy party? I love sex toys, but I don't love the idea of everyone seeing which toys I'm into, ya feel me?
2. Nice try, robot
Something tells me that Evan isn't so great at his job. I also suspect that Evan isn't a human. In fact, do you think a lot of those chat robots are even human? No, they just throw out a couple of automated responses to get past the easiest of questions that are usually solved quickly just by copy and pasting order numbers and whatnot. If your problem is bigger, they'll send a real human, or maybe just a smarter robot.
The worst thing about these chat services, whether it's a robot or a human, is that you can't properly get mad. Screaming in the phone at least helps you blow off some steam. Jabbing at the keys of the keyboard in anger isn't as stimulating. You could yell at them in all caps, but even that doesn't really do the trick, does it?
3. How many is Thousands?
Let's be fair. This product was never going to produce thousands of flowers. That's a huge amount of flowers. There's no way that one bouquet could hold that many. It would actually be a curse to have that many flowers grow in one pot. Your home or garden would be overthrown by by this parasite plant. If you're asking me, it's a good thing this product is a liar.
I guess this ad felt like it had to lie. "Grow a bouquet" doesn't sound as impressive as "grow thousands." You could just buy a bouquet. You can't really buy a thousand flowers. There's a fine line with numbers on what you can brag about. Two is not enough to brag about. Even if you were talking about full size cars. "Comes with TWO cars!" All of a sudden two seems like nothing.
4. State Lies
I'm not saying that I buy Arizona iced tea because I have fond memories of how the tea tastes in Arizona. In fact, I've never even heard any stereotypes about Arizona tea. Why the name then? We buy it because it's ninety nine cents and big as hell. You don't need any other reason to buy it. Is that how out of touch Canadians are that they just assume, "hey, Arizona is a state. Americans will like that." They might have been on to something though. It might have done worse if it was called Canada Iced Tea. Americans are super into America to the point where they won't drink Canada iced tea.
What would Canada Iced Tea be? A bunch of gravy and cheese in a tea pitcher? That sounds good too. Just make sure it's only ninety nine cents.
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