There's nothing more crushing than finding out someone is cheating on you. It's the end of everything: a relationship you thought was going well, all that time and hard work you put in to make it work, and all your self-confidence and the ability to trust people. Gone in an instant, through no fault of your own. Worst of all, it almost always comes as a complete shock. But there are many, many ways to tell if she is playing the field behind your back, so you can be prepared for the worst. If your girl is doing any of these, it's time to start packing your bags... According to relationship experts, #38 is a SURE sign she is cheating on you.
1. She's Acting Like A GPS Tracker
There's a number one trick to cheating: don't get caught. As long as you never get caught, you never have to confront those ugly feelings or all the pain you're inflicting on your partner. And this may be blatantly obvious, but the key to not getting caught is to not be in the same place as your partner while you're cheating on them.
If she's started tracking your movements all of a sudden, then this could be the reason why. Is she suddenly extremely interested in where you're going to be during the day, at what time, and for how long? Well, it's not because she finds your activities fascinating, or even that she suspects that you're cheating on her. The most likely explanation is that she's trying to make sure you're not around to catch her.
2. There's Some New Sexy Underwear
On the list of things that men generally care about, new and good-looking underwear is right down the bottom in around the same position as quinoa. We just don't care - once you're down to your jocks, there's no going back anyway. Women, on the other hand, wouldn't be caught dead in granny pants when they're looking to get hot and heavy.
Sexy underwear has a way of making them feel hotter and more desirable, as much psychological as it is a matter of appearance. Putting some lingerie on is a statement of intent. So if you spot a few pairs of lacy new things in the drawer (and you're sure they're not to spice up your relationship), it's a good sign that she's expecting to get frisky in another bedroom.
3. Her Fitbit Is Getting A Workout
Now for a sign that's 100% backed by science. The number-crunchers at UCLA performed a study of fitness and relationships, and they found one surprising correlation: women who are looking for new partners walk around more than women who aren't. Why? Nobody really knows, although the most likely explanation is that they're trying to lose weight.
And that's a bad sign. If your lady's usually the fitness freak, or she's been talking for years about shedding some pounds, then that's fine. But a sudden and unexplained interest in losing weight is not fine at all, especially if you've already told her numerous times that you love her the way she is. Chances are that slim new her is intended for a return to the dating scene.
4. Her Phone's Getting More Love Than You Are
This is - how do we put it - more of a global problem than one just restricted to cheaters. Everyone these days is ignoring everyone else in order to pretend to talk to everyone else. It's a strange situation when four people together in a bar are spending their time silently and furiously messaging people who aren't in the bar, but you're not alone, buddy.
There is, however, a time and a place for this kind of thing. And when it comes to romantic relationships, there's a definite line that can be crossed. If she's doing it while you're trying to have a romantic picnic, or it's the first thing she grabs for in the morning instead of you, it might be time to literally and metaphorically pack things up. Clearly there's someone on the other end that's getting her undivided attention.
5. Her Friends List Is Full Of Strange New People
Pop quiz: how many real new friends have you made in the last year? For most of us, the answer to that is a resounding "not many". We've already got a solid circle of friends, and are generally too busy for the big emotional investment that's required to get a new buddy. Besides, how on earth are you meant to get a new friend anyway? Ask them out on a let's-be-friends date?
Some women, of course, are natural social butterflies and will be racking up new friends and fresh faces like it's going out of fashion. In that case, it's not unusual to see a couple of new names on their Facebook feed or commenting on their Instagram photos. If those new friends seem to be taking up a lot of her time, though, and she's never talked about them or invited you to meet them, you've got a reason to get suspicious.
6. It's No Longer "We"
Every relationship - yes, yours too - will go through very specific phases. First you start off in the honeymoon phase, where you're stuck to each other's side like glue. Then you hit rock-hard reality, and you discover you'd really rather spend Saturday nights out with your own friends. Finally, you accept the fact that you love this woman and it's just going to be comfortable. Nothing more, nothing less.
For the first stage, everything is "we". For the second, all you can talk about is "I". But when you're basically married, it then becomes "we" again. The two of you have basically morphed into one indistinguishable lump of a couple. That's why when she starts saying "you" and "I" again, it's time to get worried. This is stage four: she no longer thinks in terms of the two of you together, which might mean that she's thinking in terms of someone else entirely.
7. Her Plans Don't Include You
Guys, do you sometimes feel like you're just your girl's fashion accessory? Do you feel like you're being dragged to weddings, birthdays, and family functions just to nod and laugh at all the right places? If you just screamed "yes!", then good news: you're still a part of her future. You've got plenty more nights of forced socializing to come.
If her invitations have dried up, and you don't even have something you absolutely have to come to or else in the next couple of months, then you're in trouble. There's three possible reasons: either your jokes have been terrible lately, or no-one in the world is having a birthday, or she's planning to dump you. Or a fourth, even more terrible, option: it's slipped her mind because she's busy daydreaming about having someone else on her arm.
8. She's Throwing Smoke Bombs
Most dudes should know what a smoke bomb is, but for those who are a little less underhanded than the rest of us, let us lay it out for you. A smoke bomb is basically any kind of misdirection that'll deflect attention away from the real topic. We're talking tantrums that come out of nowhere, counter-accusations, and completely irrational behavior.
Recognize any of those? You should, because it's a classic move, straight out of the cheating-man playbook. Women are fully capable of doing the same, though, so you should be on the lookout. If a conversation or some innocent questions suddenly take a sharp U-turn, then you've gotten close to a painful truth - one that she doesn't want you to know.
9. She Doesn't Answer Certain Phone Calls When You're Around
Sure, some people just don't like answering the phone anymore. For most other people, though, a ringing cell phone is just way too hard resist. Hell, no-one can resist a WhatsApp notification for more than seven seconds - imagine if it's a matter so "urgent" that it requires a phone call. Imagine what kinds of super juicy gossip could be waiting on the other end of the line.
No, there's only one real reason why she wouldn't take a phone call: because you're in the same room as her, and she doesn't want you to overhear what she's saying. Or who she's talking to. And the only reason that might be is she's organizing you a surprise birthday party, or she's organizing some hot action for herself on the side.
10. If She Leaves The Room When The Phone Rings, Be Warned
We've talked about her ignoring calls, but actually answering the phone then leaving the room is one step up from that. Again, there could be a legitimate reason for it, like she's secretly buying you that 30ft yacht you always wanted. But if there's no reason for it, then it looks like this is definitely the end of the road.
You should read this kind of behavior as essentially saying that she doesn't care about you anymore. She no longer has the decency to take her infidelity and keep it outside of the house, and she couldn't give a flying penguin whether you know about it or not. Why would she be so brazen? Well, that's a strategy in itself - to make you do all the dirty work and break up with her. So you're the bad guy.
11. The Bedroom's Now Just For Sleeping
Unless you've been married for forty years, no intimate relationship is complete without a healthy sex life. Sure, they slow down and get into a rut over time, but that doesn't mean you're still not enjoying each other's bodies. Humans have needs, and sex is right up there for most people with breathing and eating. It's a joy that few ever truly give up.
But if the interest stops dead there's either a more serious relationship problem or she's getting her kicks somewhere else. A month or so without getting jiggy isn't a huge deal, but flat our refusal, night after night, is a bad sign. Sure, you could just be awful in the sack. But it's more than likely it's one of the other two options. Either one could be a symptom or a cause, and either one spells out T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
12. She's Avoiding Your Questions
Everybody knows, deep down, that cheating on someone is wrong. Even the most heartless swinger can admit they're harming the relationship by straying, if they look deep enough into themselves. But that's the thing: a cheater will do whatever it takes to avoid looking into their feelings, because they know precisely that they're not going to like what they find.
Worst of all for a cheater is talking to their partner about it, or having to face questions from them, because then the lies only add to the guilt. "What's that?" she shouts over the timely clatter of washing up. "Just gotta go to the store," she says, cutting you off mid-sentence. "Not now, The Bachelor's on" - just as you are about to lay bare your heart. Sounds familiar? Time to start digging.
13. She's Starting To Really Bring Up Relationship Problems
Ladies love to talk about their feelings, and even if things are going swell in your lives, there's no doubt that if anything's bothering her, you'll hear about it. Which is fine - communication is the key to every successful relationship, and a chance to air out your feelings and find a way forward. But communication can also be a double-edged sword.
Every time she brings up relationship problems, consider how they're being brought up. Sometimes, it's true, she really is unhappy and is trying to give both of you a chance to mend things. But if the problems are coming thick and fast, and really very minor, then she could just be laying down the groundwork for a breakup. She could be justifying to herself the reasons why she's cheating on you.
14. She's Had A Big Makeover
For the first couple of months of a relationship, both of you will be trying as hard as possible to present your best side. You use up all your best jokes and wear those shoes your mom forced you to buy, and she puts her best dresses on and spends hours on her makeup. After that, well, it's straight to comfort city.
After about half a year of dating, you don't need to impress anyone anymore. You're already in a relationship, so you can go back to being the flannel-wearing slobs you always were. That's why any new changes in her appearance should set off the alarm bells. Any new clothes, and sudden obsession with doing her make up again, and she's more than likely trying to impress a new man in her life.
15. She's Started To Hide Her Phone
You've probably already started some light detective work if you suspect your girl of cheating on you. If she really is cheating, though, you're going to hit a roadblock pretty quickly: you won't be able to find her phone. Even if for some reason she does leave it lying around, you won't be able to get into it because she's changed her passcode.
Sound familiar? Sorry pal, but that's a bad sign. It might not just be her phone, either - it's more than likely that she's changed her password on her computer, and is hiding her diary. You're probably going to start feeling like a parent, especially when you walk in the room and she starts quickly closing browser tabs. Trust us, she's not watching porn, just flirting with someone you don't know.
16. She's Not Gazing Dreamily Into Your Eyes
Eyes. The doorway into the soul. As The Eagles knew, if you're lyin', you can't hide it in your eyes. And it's true - they really do say a lot more than slippery words ever can. Does she no longer meet yours? When she talks to you, are they smiling, or glazed over? Or are they flitting about the bar, looking for a better match?
Watch carefully when you talk to her, or ask her a question. There's no need to be a fortune teller - just a simple glance away every time she answers you will be obvious enough. There could be other explanations, like if you live in a hummingbird farm, but the simplest is that she's not telling you the whole truth. The whole truth being that she's found another bed to lie in.
17. She's Staying Late At Work. A Lot.
The movies were right about this one: when people cheat, it's statistically far more likely to be a co-worker. If you consider how few people she'd be meeting in her day-to-day life outside of work, it makes sense. Not only that, but there's all those juicy opportunities. Business trips, office parties, tight project deadlines - all of these can turn intimate in the blink of an eye.
A regular office girl is bound to have these kinds of events every now and again, so if she's late home a couple of times a year, there's nothing to worry about. But if office functions and "lots of work" seems to come up with increasing frequency, you'd better check out her cover story quick smart with a couple of her colleagues. You might not like what you find.
18. A Sudden Interest In Your Day To Day Routine
Most people don't even notice the little things their partner does every day. It doesn't really matter whether she's at the gym every other day for precisely two hours - all that matters is that she comes home. She doesn't care if you're going for a drink after work, only that you'll pick up some Thai food on the way home.
Sometimes, though, she will start to take a keen interest in what you're doing and where you'll be. That's not because she's suddenly fascinated by what your friends talked about over a couple of beers. Sorry. No, it's actually so she knows what she can get away with, and for how long. Basically, whether the bed's free for someone else. Might be time to shake up your routine.
19. She Picks And Picks At Everything You Do
Now, we're pretty sure that you're capable of some annoying habits, like clipping your toenails at the kitchen table or singing the Star Spangled Banner at the top of your lungs, every morning at 5 a.m. But lately, she's started to pick and nag about everything you do, not just the annoying things. For some reason, you've copped an earful for putting the recycling in the wrong bin, like anybody even knows what the hell is the right one.
Want to know why she's doing that? Well, it's a pretty simple psychological trick. It's a way of justifying to herself her cheating ways, and making them seem not as bad in comparison. People who are cheating on their partners, or are about to break up with them, will often find the slightest faults in every little thing that the other person says or does. It's guilt, and it's self-defense. She may be cheating on you, but at least she's not destroying the planet by not recycling properly.
20. She's Not Sharing With You
One of those buzzphrases that gets thrown around a lot these days is "emotional cheating". It's not just about the physical act anymore, but about having an intense emotional bond with someone else. A bond that might just be better and more fulfilling than the one they're having with their partner. There's one major problem with emotional cheating, though: how do you know when someone's crossed the line?
Well, if she's cheating on you, she's forming these emotional bonds with someone else by opening up to them. She's sharing her highs and lows, fears and dreams, and you'll be able to tell that because she won't need to share them with you anymore. She's got a new sympathetic ear to whisper sweet nothings to, and maybe even share a bed with.
21. She Can't Commit
Oh boy. We're not looking to open up some age-old battle of the sexes here, but we will say one thing: the old clichés really are true. Women look for commitment, and men couldn't run away faster if their balls were on fire. We're big kids at heart, us men, and the idea of just playing with one toy for the rest of our lives just doesn't seem right - especially when there's an infinitely big Lego set out there.
That being said, there are some men who are more than happy to settle down and say those magic words. If you're one of those, and your partner is being unfaithful, you're going to find that the tables are turned. Cheating women have no interest in the long-term anymore, and clearly they don't see a future with you. If she can't or won't talk about commitment, then there's something clearly wrong.
22. You're Seeing Less And Less Of Her
Whether you're living together or not, quality time in a relationship is important. You should be able to hang out at any time of the day or night, and plan spontaneous outings without it being a huge deal. Otherwise what's the point of having a partner? Of course people have their own lives, but you've got to make room for that special someone in your life.
Maybe she's refusing to see you when you've both got a weekend free. Maybe you spend your Netflix nights alone these days, waiting for her to walk through the door. Maybe you can't even really reach her on the phone anymore. There'll be excuses and vague promises, but the writing's already on the wall - she'd rather spend her time with another hunk.
23. She Gets Defensive
Some of our tips here we've learned from painful life lessons, but this particular one we picked up from Law & Order. Criminal suspects aren't too different from cheaters, really - they're just breaking hearts instead of windows. Sometimes we actually wish we had Detective Goren sorting out our love lives so that we didn't have to!
Anyway, the Law & Order Theory of Cheating goes like this: there are two types of suspects, the guilty and the innocent. When cross-examined, the innocent always get angry, and the guilty always get defensive. Now, we're not suggesting that you start grilling her under a hot table lamp here, but if your simple questions start to get wildly defensive responses, it could be time to start turning up the heat.
24. If You Smell A Strange New Scent On Her, She Might Be Straying
There's two ways this can play out. Either she's wearing a new perfume, or she's picked up the light scent from another man. Neither of them are good news. The first, like new clothes, is a sign she's ready to start flirting again. The second is even more obvious: it means that she's actually been close enough to a guy for him to rub off on her. Let the mental images begin!
It really is a dead giveaway, so it's kinda unfortunate that it doesn't happen as much as it does in the movies. First off, she's not going to be bathing in that guy's aftershave, no matter how much she likes him. Secondly, it requires the nose of a police beagle to even tell the difference most days. Still, keep a nostril out for any changes. And if she starts smelling like weed and burritos, marry her.
25. She No Longer Wants To See Your Family And Friends
Anyone who's been through a bitter split after a long relationship will know one thing: it's hard to choose sides. There's friends of hers that you like and will never see again. Her brother kinda likes playing video games more with you than her. And let's not forget the fact that you met through a mutual friend, who now has to divide their time between the two of you.
Breaking up is hard - that's what we're basically saying. When a relationship melts down, your family and friends are caught in the crossfire. Often they have to take sides, or try and console both parties, or are simply witnesses to some uncomfortable secrets. No-one wants to involve the people you love into things like that, so if she's pulling away from them, it could be a hint that she's ready to split.
26. She Doesn't Care Anymore
On the flipside from constant nagging and picking at what you do wrong is the other, equally scary extreme: she can't even be bothered commenting. Any time men get together, you'll hear the same old story: my wife is always nagging me, or my girlfriend gets angry over the tiniest stuff. I forgot to be at the birth of our baby and she was weirdly furious - that kind of thing.
But try to imagine the opposite, if you can. What if she didn't care at all? What if she didn't even raise an eyebrow at your antics, or just stayed quiet when you came home drunk and pooped on the floor? In a way, the only thing scarier than an angry woman is a silent woman, because that means her mind is on other things. She's probably already moved on.
27. You're The Clingy One
This is the ultimate vicious circle of relationships: the more insecure and clingy you get, the more they'll pull away, and the more you'll try to hold on. It's the delicate balance we all face, especially if we're confronted with the thought that they might be cheating. If you're insecure, they might back away and start actually cheating. If you're not, they might think they can walk all over you.
Sounds confusing? You're not wrong. You could be the manliest man and the most independent punk in the world, but you're still vulnerable to desperately clinging on to love. Basically, you've got to watch your own actions this time, and listen to your brain. It's the one making you clingy in the first place, because it knows, deep down, that there's something wrong in the relationship.
28. She Keeps Going Missing
How long do you wait before you should start to worry? If you listen to the fake cops in Hollywood, it's 48 hours. Ask a rock star and they'll tell you it's somewhere around the two-month mark. Ask your mother and she'll probably say 10 minutes. The point is that there's no hard and fast rule - if you haven't seen your girl in a while, you'll just have to listen to your heart.
Of course, if you haven't seen her in a month you can safely assume that it's over. Even if it's just a few days at a time with no word and no explanation, it's still looking a little suss. Not that you have to know where she is at all times. But if she's the type that's glued to her phone, and you're not getting any of the updates? Put up those "Missing" posters.
29. If She's Nagging You Non-Stop, Something Might Be Up
TV shows and movies are guilty of perpetuating one pretty silly myth: that after the first few dates, every woman becomes a shrill, nagging harpy who's forever trying to replace your mother. But the truth is that women really aren't that bad. Considering how much stupid stuff guys do, they really put up with (and stay silent about) a lot of crap.
It's not unusual for anyone to try and get their partner to stop being an idiot all the time, but if that nagging reaches epic proportions, that's a worrying sign. She doesn't hate you, but she has had enough. She's found someone else that is pushing all the right buttons and none of the wrong ones, and that nagging is her way of building up an argument to break up with you.
30. When She Seems To Be Preoccupied, She Might Be Thinking About Someone Else
Once in a lifetime, a woman will come along who seems like she's just perfect for you. Even when the honeymoon period is over and you've stopped desperately lying about yourselves, you still find out that you have so much in common. That you love the same stuff, and could talk about everything for days on end without coming up for air.
Nowadays, though, that woman has changed. You still love all the same stuff, but when you talk about it it's almost as if she isn't in the room. You could bring up the latest season of GLOW and she'd still mumble something incoherent and stare into space or tap away at her phone. So what's changed? She's got other things on her mind, that's what. And she won't tell you about them because it'll crush you.
31. When Confronted, She Stays Silent
Sometimes, when you're convinced that something's up, there's no use skulking around like a private eye anymore. The best thing to do is just to confront her and ask her straight up for the truth. Many times, you'll find out what you want to know. But at other times, she'll have one final trick up her sleeve: complete and other silence.
Silence could mean one of two things, actually: either she stays quiet when you ask her, or she oh-so-casually steers the conversation away into a different direction. Either way, that's a bad sign. No-one wants to lie, especially women, and she'll do anything to not be that person. Even though she's already started one of the biggest lies of all.
32. She's Buying New Clothes Often
Alright, alright, we can hear you laughing already. A girl who often buys new clothes? That just means she's still breathing, not that she's necessarily cheating. We know that no woman would ever turn down an opportunity to expand her wardrobe, and your lady is likely to be just the same. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's not a good sign.
The key thing to look out for is whether she's actually wearing those clothes around you or not. Even if it's as she's getting ready for a night out with the girls, she should still be showing off her new rags proudly. On the other hand, if you're seeing a bunch of receipts and shopping bags but none of the merchandise, she's saving her best looks for someone else. And she doesn't want you to know.
33. You Begin To Notice Emotional Distance
If there's one thing that men are actually good at - you know, aside from opening jars and catcalling - it's separating emotions and sex. In fact, they're very good at separating emotions from just about everything. Women, on the other hand, are far more likely to let emotions intertwine with every aspect of their life. When they start to disconnect, it's a big deal.
It's also a very deliberate choice. A lot of men don't care if they don't love the woman that they're sleeping with. A lot of women won't bother to sleep with you unless they love you first. Withdrawing their feelings is their way of saying that they're not interested any more. They're going to invest those feelings somewhere else. She's preparing for a messy breakup, and she's protecting herself from getting hurt.
34. She Suddenly Becomes Dreamy, But It's Not Directed At You
When a woman's in love, she's never afraid to hide it. She'll blush, she'll play with her hair, she'll laugh at even the lamest joke. When she's by herself, she'll spend long hours just looking out the window, smiling faintly and even occasionally sighing. We're not joking here - the faces of flirtation really haven't changed all that much since Jane Austen's day.
Once upon a time, you were the one getting all those love signals. Nowadays, we're guessing that the only time she looks slightly dreamy is when she sees that you're doing the dishes or a pair of Jimmy Choos are on sale. If it's neither of those things, and she's off in another world, smiling to herself all the time, it's definitely not about you.
35. She Now Enjoys Her Independence
Independence is totally cool, and you've got to let a girl do her own thing. She's got things she likes to do that you don't, and if it makes her happy, set her free. It'll be good for you too, because a happy and independent woman is a woman that's easy to love. At the same time, though, you've got to watch out for some very specific warning signs.
If she doesn't even tell you where she's going anymore, and doesn't tell you about it when she comes back, that's not good. If you haven't seen her in a couple of days and it doesn't even seem like she missed you, that's not good. If she's out all the time with "friends", and you can't seem to find any time to spend with her alone, then that's definitely not good.
36. What She Does When She's Out Might Be An Indicator
Whenever us humans are out in a social situation, we put out a whole range of verbal and physical indications of what we're feeling. Like a poker player, you can read a lot by the way a person is standing, the tone of their voice and selection of words, where their eyes are looking, and what they're doing with their hands.
Reading body language is harder than it seems - otherwise we'd all be picking up every night. But with a bit of practice, you can tell what a person is thinking without even having to ask them. You can tell what your girl is thinking, too, without confronting them. Are they giving you their undivided attention? Are they still totally into you? Or are they opening themselves up for a one night stand with someone else?
37. If She's Not Afraid To Show Her Annoyance, Something Might Be Up
Taking ourselves as an example, we're frankly not surprised when our girlfriend shows her annoyance. Day in and day out, we do some pretty dumb stuff. We're surprised she's still with us, to be honest. There are times, though that she'll get mad at you for no reason. When something tiny that she used to let slide suddenly turns into a catastrophe.
You know why she's doing that? It's not just that she hates the way you eat an apple (by the way, you're not, repeat not, meant to lick it all over first), it's just that she's finding any excuse to hate you. And when you're cheating on someone, hating them is far easier on your guilty conscience than feeling sorry for them.
38. She Doesn't Give You Access To Her Phone
When you've been long enough in a relationship, it really doesn't matter what emails, texts, or messages you show to each other. There's no secrets anymore, and you most likely know all each other's passwords anyway. So what if he knows that you like that Instagram pic? So what if she knows that you messaged your brother about how much his sports team sucks?
A secretive relationship - one where you're hiding all your internet and phone activity - can be very damaging to the trust that you share. That's why if she is locking her phone with a new password and not letting you touch it at all, not even to quickly google something, then she must have a really good reason. Like there's some very explicit pictures in there of another man.
39. You've Cheated On Her
Cheating, like so many bad things in life, is a cycle. Whatever you've suffered, it seems to be human nature to then go on and inflict that suffering on others, and cheating is no different. They've hurt you, so how do you pay them back? By cheating in return. It's not just that they want to get back at you, though. It's also some kind of need to make people feel what they felt.
Without point fingers and playing the blame game, it's a high chance that cheating on someone will produce the exact same results. Have you put them through hell? Then they're going to do it right back, no matter how much they say they've forgiven you. If you truly want to repair your relationship, then you're going to have to be on guard - and be prepared to accept - the inevitable retribution.
40. She's Cheated On You (Or Someone Else)
"Once a cheater, always a cheater." Sadly, we think that there's a fair bit of truth to the old saying. A handful of people will only cheat once and forever realize the errors of their ways. Certainly. But it does take a special kind of person to think of cheating on someone instead of just breaking up with them, and those people aren't really going to change.
She may not have cheated on you before, but if she's cheated on any of her partners in the past, then she'll remember the thrill, the ease of getting away with it, and the ability to quickly jump from relationship to relationship. It's just one of those individual traits that's hard to shake. She may not be doing it now, and she may stay true for years to come. But somewhere down the line, there's a high chance she'll slip up again.
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