15 Dumb Things Guys Do When Nobody's Around

Who is GUILTY?
Charlie Blacks II October 10th 2017 Humor
We've all got things that we hide from the general public, especially when it comes to natural habits or strange bedroom rituals that we hold near and dear to our hearts. A lot of us practice or do things in our lonesome in order to acquire a new hidden skill or talent to attract the masses. Regardless, we all have some things we keep to ourselves and wish for the world to never reveal some of our most coveted secrets. With that being said, it's time to reveal some of those trifling and dumb secrets we've all been hiding from our significant others, friends, colleagues, and family members fellas. Check out all fifteen below.
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Cry Like A Baby
Yeah, this is an unnecessary habit of a majority of men out there. We tend to hide our tears in order to armor our egos and hopefully not seem less than, in the presence of our girlfriends, spouses, and friends. For those of you who have no problem letting the floodgates open for the waterworks in front of the masses, more power to you.
Embodying Chef Boyardee
A lot of men tend to get very experimental in the kitchen, especially if no one is around. Since a lot of us aren't that skilled in the kitchen we try out some of our craziest homemade remedies and hope it turns out edible. Every 1 out of 20 homemade recipes become a staple of ours and we even share these experimental bubbling concoctions with others in confidence.
Ball Fondlers
Honestly, can you blame us? In that one sack is the carrier of our namesake and holds the keys to future generations. You can't be mad at a man for scratching or checking the volume of which his very own ball sack holds. Those are every man's baby batter holding bags and treasures for the continuation of mankind.
Scratch & Sniff
In relation to the ball fondling homage that takes place on a daily basis is the old scratch and sniff test after the scratching of genitals. Yep, it happens quite frequently which is why we recommend keeping your hands as clean as possible because another secretive scratch or ball-cupping is right around the corner once we get some alone time.
When They Get Stuck To Your Leg
If you ever see a man in public who randomly begins to walk in an odd fashion, begin to do calisthenics, or strike an odd yoga pose, in no way, shape, or form is that person considered about their health but, attempting to get their balls released from the side of their leg. It's a quietly kept secret in manhood and when we recognize it going down in public, we feel our brother's pain.
Urinal Games 2020
This might be in violation of the guy code but, when men enter the restroom we tend to get competitive with our pee streams. From standing as far away from a public restroom urinal as possible to trying out new gravity tricks, the games never end. Making something as necessary as using the restroom into a game is definitely egotistical manly behavior.
Unwashed Bedding
A lot of men, especially those that are single, have most likely left the same bedding on their mattresses for months at a time without a single thought of changing those ragged sheets. Is it disgusting? You damn right. Do you think the majority of men care? Hell no. That is until it's time to invite someone into those sheets if you know what we mean.
Repeat Wear Gym Clothes
For some strange reason, a lot of us think it's ok to get ridiculously sweaty in the gym or after a run and do a repeat wear of the same gym clothes we just drenched from the gym session prior. It's not right whatsoever and could possibly cause some type of rash or infection but, a lot of us don't care.
Matter Of Fact... Repeat Wearing Anything
Yeah, this pretty much goes for all of our clothes, after performing a visual scan test for stains, a smell test, and a look over in the mirror, if we can get away with wearing any article of clothing a multitude of times, please believe we'll do it. It's not the most sanitary thing in the world but, we do take into consideration the grossness of what definitely needs to be washed immediately and what can be worn an additional two times.
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Grading Farts
Yeah, when men tend to be alone we let 'em rip. Those things fly out of our bottoms with so much force and PSI behind them that they could possibly put an eye out or cause temporary loss of sight, loss in ability to hear, and balance if anyone is caught in the crossfire. Not only are the loudness and the length of the farts judged so is the smell. We know, disgusting.
Abuse Deodorant & Cologne
If you've never had the chance, take a look at the average man's stick of deodorant and let us know if you think that bad boy needs to be taken into custody and provided therapy. Deodorant sticks tend to be riddled with underarm hair and other gross bodily shavings. Also, we can tell when someone douses themselves in cologne without putting proper hygiene practices into effect.
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Enjoy An Adult Film
Luckily, most men like to enjoy a nice late night adult film in their lonesome in the privacy of their own homes. Things get weird when some men decide to take this behavior to the streets and in public in which we recommend to keep this one at home for the safety and well-being of others.
Measuring Our Junk
That's right ladies... Majority of men can say they've compared their junk to their remote controls, cans, and even basic measuring tape. This is truly for self-gratification and to know what our junk looks like in comparison to other household items. With that being said, you might want to clean your remote off immediately.
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Cyberstalk
Yeah, it's true ladies... Men get their cyberstalk on as well. And sometimes, we're not that good at hiding it either. Especially, when we accidentally like a secret crush's Instagram post from 98 weeks back. Cyberstalking has become a pastime for a lot of people of the modern day in order to see how people are living without asking them directly.
Cross Dressing
First and foremost, for the men out there that enjoy wearing women's clothes, there's nothing wrong with it at all. People should be able to be comfortable in their skin despite what society thinks but, some men feel like they need to hide the fact that they like wearing their significant other's panties or dresses while no one's around. Hey, whatever floats your boat. Yes, men do some heinous things when no one's looking but, we're still a necessary part of the social construct to keep the world going around and to provide and protect the ones we love the most.
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