The original title of this review included "What Men Hate Hearing the Most from Their Wives," but I decided against it. It's not that wives don't say these things, it's just they can also come from your girlfriend, mother, or even neighbor. Anyone can say any number of spiteful things to us, and it is the 21st century - it makes no sense to stereotype people or the generalize everyone into one large category. I hope you'll like reading what follows next:
Never mind, I'll do it myself!"
You've probably heard a woman say "Never mind, I'll do it myself!" This never means that it is stated to mean - when a girl says this, she means the exact opposite. This means you should go ahead and apologize, and then try to help her out.
"You Should Have Known" - Matrix Moments
Women sometimes think that we men, are mind readers and know everything before it happens. Has a girl ever started telling you a story, without giving you any intro or context of why she is telling you the story? Well, that illustrates my point.
We Need to Talk
This sentence, the "We Need to talk" sentence makes no logical point whatsoever. Instead of saying this and stressing everyone, just say what's on your mind. If it's a breakup you want, you got it, but jeez, at least be straight about it.
"I'm Not Your Mother"
This is a very strong accusation. Women usually say this in the context of "Pick up after yourself. I'm not your mother!" This is an obvious attempt to reframe your behavior into something negative so that she can get leverage over you.
Is She Hot?
I'm not talking about the girl above, she is obviously not hot. It's just that, I'm sure at some point your girlfriend had a jealous moment and attacked you with the classic "Do you think she's hot?" trick-question. You would be wise not to answer this one.
Have you ever had this told to you? I've obviously haven't since I'm too manly, but it can happen to other people. Just like the rest of them, this sentence makes no question - to "man up" implies nothing, and if you try saying the same to her, it would be labeled as obvious sexism.
"I Wanna be Alone"
Has a girl ever said something similar to you? Perhaps she said, "Let me be alone!" Don't do that - when she says this, she means she wants you to be alongside her, and help her get through this dramatic part of her life. Give her the stability she craves.
Have You Gained Weight?
Some women tend to gather up the pounds, once they pass their 23rd to 27th birthday, depending on several different genetic and environmental factors. If you want her to slim down, be more subtle, don't just blurt out "You've put on a few pounds lately?"
You Can't Have Female Friends!
Some women think that if you have female friends, that you must have some sort of feelings for them. This couldn't be any further from the truth, of course. But it is a difficult position for any guy to be in. Just don't try to be friends with your ex!
You Are Going Out Too Much
Do you have many friends that you are hanging around with? Dare to play pool? Some women hate this type of independence and will call you out on it. The trick is to never back down, just say "yeah, I'm going out again" and proceed to leave the room.
How Many Girls You've Been With?
This is a trick question, and like every other trick question, you pass it by not answering it. Don't brag, don't lie, don't lowball - just say that you're shy and have a difficult time remember numbers. That always works wonders.
"I might have thrown it away; I don't remember"
Damn, this one hits the spot. How many times has your girlfriend, or mother (if you are younger) lost something that meant a lot of you (even if it was not valuable), only to say that she doesn't remember, and promptly continued with her day.
"Just admit it, your mother and sister don't like me."
Every girl has this fear, especially once you get close to marriage or engagement. It's kind of difficult to pass this one - you are not a mind reader, you don't know what your mother thinks, but you have to comfort your girl. What is a guy to do?
"Don't you know what today is?"
This one was reported by a lot of guys. They claim they have problems remembering what day it is, and girls get upset by this fact. It has never happened to me. I always remember what day it is, and I don't get asked this question very often.
"Come look at this hilarious thing about Ryan Gosling."
This is a moment when a girl projects her fancy for Ryan and thinks EVERYONE likes him. It's just that we guys - we're not women, and we can't like Ryan Gosling. Nor Bad Pitt. Nor Tom Cruise. Or whoever is the top A-lister celebrity.
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