Remember that summer job you had in the fast food restaurant? It probably still haunts you in your sleep. We've all had a job like that, and there was one thing in particular that was the worst part of all of it. Not the fact that you were a pimply mess, or that you'd come home every night smelling like a dead cow. No, the worst thing was definitely the uniform. It was like they'd deliberately made the clothes so ugly that no girl would touch you for the next ten years. But if you think you had it bad, just wait until you see these beauties...
Hot Dog On A Stick
If the name alone isn't enough to turn you off eating for a very long time, the uniform definitely will. The chain is legendary for dressing up their employees in every color of the sauce rainbow - mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, and barbeque - and making absolutely certain that it's impossible to look pretty. The hat is just the icing on the fugly cake.
The New McDonald's Uniform
Sometimes, even if you hire a world-renowned fashion designer to dress your staff, you still can't get it right. Waraire Boswell - who styles such celebrities as Will Smith and Bruno Mars - intended these to be the kinds of uniforms "that people would feel comfortable wearing outside of work." Which they might, if they were working in the year 2099 and working in a robotic torture facility, not a friendly family restaurant.
John Daly, Golfer
Legendary drinker, chain smoker, and sometimes pro golfer John Daly seems to deliberately want to be the worst dressed on the course. We don't think we've ever seen him wear a shade of pants that haven't viciously assaulted your eyeballs. Strangely. Though, he looks like he's proud to be loud, and not the slightest bit embarrassed. Nobody even knows if he's even a good golfer, because we can't even focus on his stroke play.
On paper, having your employees display their individuality with their own buttons was an inspired management decision. Well, it would have been back in about the 1950s. Now, it's just about as lame as you can get, coupled with the fact that you're actually forced by that management to put as many buttons as you can on there. That's so anti-establishment, guys.
Paula Creamer, Golfer
The ladies in golf don't seem to do much better than the men. These are some of the hottest sports women on the planet, yet they seemed intent on dressing themselves like it's discount day at the local thrift shop. Or they murdered an elderly clown and stole all their swag. This is Paula Creamer: American Apparel Model on the bottom half, retired Norwegian cross-country skier on top. Not a combo that would ever work.
A lot of stuff was ugly back in the 70s. It was the decades of browns and earwax oranges and bell-bottomed jeans. Baskin-Robbins took that era one step too far, though, with a server's uniform that looked like you were dishing up ice cream to prisoners. In an insane asylum. In the middle of Cold War Russia.
Wait wait wait. Hear us out. This isn't a joke. Hooters really is one of the most embarrassing uniforms, even if they are a 15-year-old's recurring wet dream. In fact, it's because they're a 15-year-old's recurring wet dream. Walk into a Hooters restaurant and literally nobody knows what to say, how to act, or what to look at. It's embarrassing for the diner, not just for the busty waitress. And if you do know what to do in a Hooters, you're probably a pervert.
The British Navy
A nation's defense force should strike fear into the hearts of their enemies everywhere. It should inspire a complete collapse into uncontrollable laughter, like the British Royal Navy. Not once have they had a uniform that doesn't look like they've stepped out of a Village People music video, and this time they've taken the whole short-leg pants a little too far. Also, they look like they're about three years old.
Cathy Freeman, Athlete
She's one of Australia's greatest runners of all time, and a beloved daughter of that great southern land. That hasn't stopped her from making some pretty outrageous track fashion decisions, though. Back in 2000, before the sporting world became truly obsessed with performance wear, she made a huge stir on the running track with this alien-looking bodysuit. Just way ahead of her time, or something,
Heart Attack Grill
This famed Las Vegas restaurant is well known for its utter refusal to serve anything healthy, if you hadn't already guessed from the name. But they're also more than willing to cross the uniform line between fun and completely unsanitary. Sure, the sexy nurses do deliver, as promise, heart palpitations. Thanks to all that exposed skin, though, they're no doubt also delivering buckets of extra bacteria. Would you like salmonella with that?
Scottish Commonwealth Games Team
Nobody has ever thought a kilt was a cool way to dress - we were just too afraid of the angry Scotsman wearing it to say anything. But when they unveiled these alluring numbers for the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, we couldn't hold back the laughter anymore. Who thought this set of clothes and color would ever be a good idea? Literally everything in this photo is clashing.
French Rugby Player
If you think NFL is a tough, brutal sport, you've clearly never seen a rugby union match. Rugby is masculinity at its most bloodthirsty, although with this dainty pink jersey-shorts-socks combo, you might not think so. Now we're not saying that wearing pink is unmanly or anything. But by the look on this guy's face, he would have preferred a different color.
It's a rule we just made up that for every successful business idea, there's at least another five that completely failed. Yet somehow, delivering food to your car by an uncoordinated teenager on roller-skates was an idea that actually succeeded. This is a thing that is still going to this very day. Why are fast food companies so creatively cruel?
The Evzones are a Greek army unit that were once elite infantry units, and now act as the presidential guard. But really, they're not known for their fighting prowess, however good that might be. What really makes them stand out is their bizarre uniform, which is not just for show, but for actual military work. Very manly, and very terrifying.
Pontifical Swiss Guard
This branch of the Swiss Army which protects the Pope and the Vatican City, wins the worst-dressed award by far. It takes out the crown in every category. Nauseatingly bright, clashing colors? Check. Stupid pants? Check. A hat that looks like a gutted forest animal? Check. The whole thing looks like that costume you wore in your first-grade school play? Oh yes. Check.
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